Scar

"Yes.. We're just around the corner.. No no, don't take the bus - we'll be there in 2 min.. Please stop crying .. We're coming right away.."

We spotted her standing at the opposite end of the road. It was dark and I could not see her face, but her stride reflected her agony. She crossed over to our side and got into the car. We sat in silence for sometime before Kunal asked her -
"What happened.. ? You guys had a fight or something..?"

She started unfolding the story. Knowing the couple pretty well, we had already guessed some of the story while going to pick her up and most of our guesses were true. Except one small detail that came in between sobs -
".. so he slapped me across the face"

I did not want to believe that I heard that right. I shuddered inside - and my hands started shivering.. I don't know whether it was anger or shock or disgust.

"Slapped??? He hit you?!"

I looked back at her and the red swelling at the corner of her left eye suddenly became prominently visible inside the dim light of the car.

She touched the wound - " It's the ring - his ring cut me near the eye.."

I swallowed the lump in my throat - "How did he.. I.. I can't believe he hit you.. He knows you're expecting.. and... "

She cut me short - "Yeah well.. It hasn't happened for the first time. I've been slapped in public once - out on the road. At least this time it was within closed doors - maybe that's the discount this time because I am pregnant now.."

I did not know what to say. We happen to be very close to this couple and hearing her say all this was shocking. We took her to our place and tried to cheer her up a bit. Her husband came over to our place looking for her later that night. We left them alone so that they could talk it out and they both left together some time later. I will never forget the look on her face as she left that night - her eyes seemed to say.. "This is not the last time ..."

All these days when I used to hear about domestic violence, I automatically associated it with illiterate people living in dire financial conditions. It was something I associated with house maids, construction workers and the like. Never with normal people like us. And here I was, trying to console a woman as literate as me, who was hit not once but multiple times, by her well-educated husband.

I am no one to judge the reasons behind their fight. I don't know who was right and who was wrong. But nothing justifies a physical assault. Nothing.

I have no clue if they will find a solution and resolve everything the right way. All I hope is that there is no "next time".

Ever After

My very close friend Venky got married to his sweetheart a few days back in the most filmy style possible - the bhaag-kar-shaadi style! Not that they did not try the "correct" way, but when things didn't move even after trying for almost 5 years, I think it was fair enough to resort to some drama. When he was telling me all about it, he said something which rang a bell immediately..

".. It's true.. When your heart truly desires something, the whole world conspires so that you get it.. Sach hain yaar.. Sach hain.. "

When a perfectly practical and head-rules-heart person like Venky says this, you know that there are some things which logic should not bother to explain. More importantly, there are some things which have their flavor simply because they are not explained.

Venky always cheered me for believing in the existence of such magical moments. But I think he would agree that he had his doubts about the amount of "truth" in my collective beliefs. In times which were particularly challenging for me, he kept boosting my morale saying that ".. Arre don't give up, I keep your example in front of me and the fact that you believe in love even after experiencing what you have, my situation is much better and I can make it for sure.. ". As he said that, I always felt that, at some level, he must be thinking I am an emotional fool for still believing that I will find what most people call as "true love".

And now that he has experienced a bout of that magic in his own life, his strengthened belief makes me feel vindicated.. :) Today my belief feels more stronger than when I actually experienced it, because today it has inspired someone else to believe.

This is for you Venky and Nishi.. May the magic always dwell in your lives.. Amen! :)

Let the show BEGIN!

Well.

I did not enter the Voice of Persistent singing contest to lose, so to say. Like all the other participants, I too harbored the not-so-secret ambition of being in the top three, and coming home with a trophy. I knew what a tough fight it would be and given the musically accomplished folks who were going to be singing in the competition. I realized, right at the start, that it would be a great honor just to reach the final five!

And that I did. As my name was announced in the final five list, I was not thinking about the trophy anymore. All I was thinking of was - "Yesssssssss!!! I *will* get to perform the last and final song that I had prepared for!!!".. The final moment came and I performed. Then the super-final moment came and the results were announced.

And then, anti climax.

My name wasn't there in the top three list. I put on a brave face and applauded the winners. Okay, let me be honest and say that I truly was very happy for each one of them, for they totally deserved to be holding those trophies in their hands. But hey! I am human too and for that split second, I felt upset that my hands were too small for that trophy and my voice too weak to reach it..

Kunal was on the stage with me in that very split second. I was looking at him, trying to fight back tears which were threatening to swell in my eyes - ".. so I was hoping I would be third in rank at least.." and he was saying ".. arre yaar.. We knew it from the beginning right? That there would be a very tough chance.. We just wanted to give it our BEST.. And God knows you did that.. Sumi I am proud of you.. The way you sang today, I fell in love with you all over again.. Sach.."

I smiled at his happy face and thought, yes, I did not let him, my best friend, my life partner and my Guru, down. And that's a big prize in itself. I started going backstage to get my bag and other stuff.

That's when it all started.

"Congratulations Priyanka!! That was a MIND BLOWING peformance.."

"Priyanka.. You were the best! I LOVED your songs.. "

".. Kyaa performance thaa yaar.. Mazaa aa gayaaa"

".. and the way you guys sang the duet, you were tempting photographers to click your pics.. Arre yaar tumhaarein photo lete lete memory khatam ho gayi camera ki!!"

".. My god woman! You had the nerve to sing THAT song on THIS stage!! I have forgotten how that song originally sounded after hearing your rendition of it.. You ROCK!!"

I was swarmed by people from all sides!! I knew my team mates would stand by me and that the results would not matter to them.. But I had certainly not expected this level of adulation!! People from all over the auditorium were coming and congratulating me for my performance. People I knew and people I had never ever seen before - all of 'em were shaking my hand and lauding me. There were kids who were waiting to come and shake hands with me and wish me luck!!

Finally the audience started to disperse, but the icing on the cake was yet to come. A very senior and special person came and talked to me after that. This gentleman defies his age in his enthusiasm and quick wit, and especially his memory. He still remembers one of my stage performances, which took place five years back - he still addresses me as "Sonia Gandhi", after the character that I played in that play. He is one of the most revered folks in the company, and he walked up to me and said - "My vote went to you dear! You truly were the best"..

Finally, I was able to go and meet my family and my Mom's joyous face with tiny tears in her eyes said it all - I had already won my prize in the pride that she felt for me!! My sister, who's one of my biggest critics, said it too "I never knew you could sing like THAT!! WOW!"..

When I went to sleep that night, I said to myself - "This was one of the best days of my life.."

I was wrong.

There was a parcel waiting for me in office the next day - it had a rose pinned onto an envelope carrying a beautiful, handwritten letter. It came from one of the prize winning participant's father who deeply appreciated my songs. That letter is now a part of my most treasured things. Sir - if you are reading this - I do not have words to tell you how special that letter will always be to me and saying "thanks" seems too tiny a response to your thoughtful and soulful words..

I always thought I knew what it is like to be rewarded and awarded. But what I was experienced on the evening of the show and the day after, was something totally different. And without a single doubt, it was much more special and personal. The pride and love in Kunal's eyes and on my family's faces, the letter, the overwhelming response I got from everyone in the auditorium - these are all my special prizes, and they are priceless. The first line of that invaluable letter said it right..

"You stole the show, though not the trophy.."

Communication and Paranthas!

" ... which is okay, but what about the Mangalashtaka vidhi? We have to do that first.. "

"... Pradnya - where's the newspaper?.. wait wait I got it"

"... because if we begin at 8 in the morning, we will get only 2 hours before we can .."

"... hey how do you switch on the TV? "

"... do it in the middle hours, and they will get time for make up and all .. "

"... no no.. put on cartoon network naah... "

"... Karishma get one more chair for Kaku..."

"... yes yes.. what will you have? Kokum sharbat? Ok ok.. Priya? Beta, give her some sharbat.. Priya??? Ayyeee Priyaaaaaaaaa?????"

I snap out of the surreal state that I have been in ever since all these voices started flooded my living room today mornin. I mechanically walk to the kitchen to prepare some Kokum sharbat for someone - I am not yet sure who. I am just in awe of the many people who have gathered in my living room and are trying to finalize the proceedings of one of the most important days of my life. Yup - it's my marriage day that they are all discussing about, which is 6 months from now, but looking at the activity around me, it seems as if I am going to be sent packing from my house tomorrow itself!

As expected, it is a completely chaotic family meeting. All these people are talking in groups of two or three, each group having a completely different discussion. And I am wondering to myself- how the hell are these people ever going to reach ANY conclusion like this?!

"Priya? Get some water for Kaka.."

I get back to work. I'm thinking about me and Kunal and how things have been going between our families. Simple is the right word to describe the way things have gone between the two families. We were expecting some opposition and fireworks, but given the kind of intense fireworks both me and Kunal have had to face in our lives till now, I think God decided to give us a welcome break in this regard :)

Simple. At least till now.

I can sense some tension in the air today. There are some obvious differences in some pooja vidhis. But what is amazing is the dignity with which these differences are being handled and the way everyone is striving to reach some middle ground. I see that the chaotic discussion has reached a final conclusion in less than an hour, and all the management principles and communication rules that are taught in high profile institutes, suddenly seem so mundane and small. I mean - I look at these people sitting in front of me, deciding some important details in between laughter, tea and paranthas and yet excelling at what they are doing!

These folks are not MBAs or PHDs. These people have not taken any special classes in communication. These are simple people who want everyone to have their say and realize and accept the fact that each of them will need to adjust a bit. Which is why it's not surprising that they have managed to clear out all chaos and decide exactly what's to be done, without any hint of malice or hurt.

All this while, when I used to hear professionally experienced and highly educated people talk about "unique challenges in communication", I thought it truly must be a big deal. But today I saw our folks in action and saw these simple people come up with one solution after the other. That, my dear friends, was effortless communication. And no institute in this world can "teach" that.

I suppose some of my MBA friends, especially the ones who think that communication is a "big deal" and preach others, can get some tips in communication from our folks! Don't worry guys - you won't have to pay for it! In fact you will get paranthas when you come over.. :)

ये जो सिली सिली औंदी हैं हवा.. तेरी याद संग लांदी हैं हवा ....

"अच्छा Priyanka, एक बात बताओ.. अगर किसी के birthday के दिन holiday हो, तो chocolate कब लानी होती हैं?"

"उसके दूसरे दिन.."

"ऑर अगर उसके दूसरे दिन भी छुट्टी हो तो?"

"तो फिर उसके पिछले दिन"

"तेरी तो ... मैं तो आज chocolate लाया ही नहीं!! "

"तेरा birthday हैं?? कब हैं??"

"कल.. चलों कोई नहीं.. Monday को आ जायेंगे.. "

Monday आ गया हैं Sumit... अपना वादा पूरा कारों. हमारे लिए chocolates लेकर आओं... Sumit...? Sumit?? कहाँ हो तुम?? Cubicle में क्यों नहीं हो? कहाँ हो यार??

अरे यार देखो अब नाटक मत कारों.. कितने सारे काम पड़े हैं!! वोह Axis २ का कोड merge करना हैं - तुम्हें बोला था मैंने उस branch में मत checkin करना- पर बात तो माननी हैं नहीं तुमने!! Selenium के testcases review करवाने हैं तुमसे.. और वो तुमने Sonali के setup का organization delete कर दिया फिर से - डंडे पड़ने वाले हैं तुम्हें अब बस!! इतने दिनों पहले तुम्हें parties की list दी थी manage करने के लिए- वोह भी अधूरी पड़ी हैं!! डांट खाओं बस अब सबकी!!!

अरे!!! जवाब क्यों नहीं देते? कहाँ छुप गए हो?

Kunal कब से call कर रहां हैं तुम्हें - नीचे बुला रहां हैं.. तुम phone क्यों नहीं उठा रहे हो यार?? Eventwadi के coordinators next event की meeting के लिए कब से तुम्हें बुला रहे हैं.. आख़िर तुम उनके best volunteers में से एक हो!!

कहाँ चलें गए हो यार?? देखो.. अब बहुत तंग कर लिया हमें.. अच्छा chocolates को छोडो.. सब काम छोडो.. सिर्फ़ तुम आ जाओं.. अब आ जाओं बस..

तुम्हारें बिना मन नहीं लग रहां हैं.. हम सब तुम्हें miss कर रहे हैं.. "अच्छा एक बात बताओ" सुनने के लिए कान तरस गए हैं.. तुम्हें ढेर सारे सवाल लेकर Cubicle में आता हुआ देखना चाहते हैं हम.. तुम्हारी total Punjabi accent वाली बातें सुनना चाहते हैं हम.. "भूख लगी हैं.. कुछ खाने के लिए हैं क्या" कहने वाला कोई नहीं हैं अब. देखो तो.. Sonali तुम्हारें लिए डब्बा भर कर पराँठे लायी हैं तुम्हारें favorite वाले.. Niraj के डब्बे में नमकीन भी हैं.. आओं तो..

तुम हमसे रूठ तो नहीं गए हो किसी बात से?? तुमने उस दिन कहा था ना के घर जाना हैं और छुट्टी चाहिए तुम्हें? तुमने कहा था के "अगर इस बार छुट्टी नहीं दी तो मैंने नहीं आना वापस".. तुम्हें जितनी चाहिए उतनी छुट्टी दिलवा देंगे यार.. तुम बस वापस आ जाओं please..

please Sumit.. please वापस आ जाओं.. तुमने मुझे वादा किया था ना Sumit - के मेरी शादी की चूडियाँ तुम अमृतसर से लाओगे मेरे लिए.. तुम अपना वादा ऐसे नहीं तोड़ सकते.. तुम्हें वापस आना ही होगा.. हम सब के लिए.. क्यों तुम्हारें बिना ज़िन्दगी बेरंग हो गई हैं.. सब कुछ रुखा हो गया हैं..

जानती हूँ तुम इस वक्त मुस्कुरा कर कह रहे हो.. "ओये कोई नहीं - मैंने कभी दूर नहीं जाना - वहीं पर हूँ मैं.." जानती हूँ के तुम्हारी जिंदादिली तुम्हें कभी हमसे दूर नहीं होने देगी.. और तुम अगर चाहो भी तो हमसे दूर नहीं जा पाओगे.. क्योंकि तुम्हारें साथ बिताया हुआ हर एक पल इतना यादगार हैं के भूल पाना किसी के बस की बात नहीं.. तुम हमेशा हमारे दिलों में रहोगे .. जानती हूँ के जब भी हम तुम्हें याद करेंगे, तुम्हें हमारे पास ही पायेंगे.. सच

Sumit died in a freak road accident on 1st May 2009, his 23rd birthday. I have not known him for more than 8 months, and yet, he was and will remain one of my closest friends. Not only was he a beloved friend, he was one of the nicest human beings I have ever met. I never saw him frown even once in all of the 8 months I have known him. My ever smiling kiddo was the sharpest of the lot.

This is for you Sumit. We all will miss you, we have been crying like babies for the last two days you know, and while the tears have still not stopped, we know you would never want to see us crying.. We will always cherish the time that you spent with us.. And if we have been able to muster up the courage to smile today, it is just because of you.

Sumit Kumar Choudhary
1st May 1986 - 1st May 2009

Influenza

"No no.. I'm not taking any risks. What if we go out and get pelted by stones?! No way- am staying home!!"

Me and my sister had plans with friends today evening- but my sister wouldn't listen. She had already decided. After my initial disagreement- I gave in to her decision and we are now at home. Today is Valentines Day.

So there's this anti-western stand that these supposed keepers of morality (read stone-pelters) have taken over the past few years. They randomly go and damage property at any place that seems western enough to them. Gift galleries, multiplexes, cafes, fast-food joints- you name it and they've broken things there. They apparently believe that Valentines Day is a bad influence.

I am not sure I understand what they're talking about. Valentines Day is a celebration of love! I realize that not everyone takes it in the same spirit , but does that mean that it be banned?! I don't think so. Are we not supposed to be living in a free country?! Who are these people to decide what we do or not? We are not breaking any law by exchanges roses or chocolates or cards. We are just having a good time! We don't give a damn about whether the Valentines Day has come from the West or the East or whatever. Indians are known to be people who love celebrating. And Valentines Day means the same as Sakrant, Holi or Diwali to us- it's a reason for celebration!

I celebrated Valentines Day in office today, and I felt great as I distributed toffees and little heart-shaped paper pin-ups to everyone in my team! Everyone forgot about work, deadlines, schedules and all our worries melted away with the sweet candy as we giggled away with child-like joy. For those 5-10 min, each one of us felt the spirit of togetherness and love. I'll say that we experienced Valentines Day.

Bad influence?!

Bitter Medicine

If there is one profession I respect a lot- it is medicine. When I stood at the crossroads after 12th std, I knew that I had neither the courage nor the patience to become a doctor. Because doctors are people who have the stamina, patience and courage of around ten average people put together.

But exceptions prove the rule! Along with being one of the most noble professions, doctors aka medical practitioners are also infamous for indulging in money-minting schemes and behaving in an unacceptable fashion.

Today evening, my sister got a very acute headache and my mom rushed her to a doctor who has his clinic close by. My mom has a history of migraine and my sister gets it from her. But since my sister was recently hospitalized and is on other medicines right now, so instead of any self medication, my mom decided to consult a doctor...

"नमस्कार doctor. दुपार पासून खूप डोक दुखतय हीच.. काही सुचत नाही आहे.. सध्या हे औषध चालू आहे आणी.."
"हे घ्या- हे औषध द्या.. चला"
"पण doctor- हे already जे औषध आहे ते..."
"बंद करा... त्यात काय..."
"आणी तिला migraine चा पण आहेच problem ज़रा..."
"काहीतरी बोलू नका.. लहान मुलांना migraine नसत.. तिच्या मनात काहीतरी भरू नका..."

For anyone who does not understand Marathi: the doctor completely snubbed out my mom when she tried to tell him that my sister is already on some medication and that it could be a migraine headache. The doctor said something to the tune of "What do you know?! Kids don't have migraine- don't try to put some silly ideas in her head!!"

At this point, let me mention that my sister is not a small child- she is 19 years old and totally looks her age. Needless to say, Dr. Impatient did not even bother to inquire her age. My mom was silent. I would have probably glared at that doctor and given him a piece of my mind, but because my mom is so patient herself, she continued...

"BP वगैरे काही.. "
"आता काय .. काही गरज नाही- लहानांचा BP वगैरे काही नसत.."

My mom left his clinic, but not before paying an exorbitant amount as the consultation fees.

I don't mean to be unfairly sarcastic. Such exceptions exist in all professions. But it is more critical in a profession like medicine, where it is someone's life and well being which hangs in balance. I realize that doctors are human beings too. They cannot be perfect, polite all the time. Treating and saving lives is a big responsibility and obviously it is extremely stressful. I cannot claim to even imagine what each day in their lives must be like. But does that give them an excuse to behave as they please?! No. It does not. Period. The fact that they get up everyday and go to their clinics and hospitals means that they have made a choice and are living it. And mind you- the doctors that I am talking about are getting handsomely paid for what they do.

Thankfully, I have met more good doctors than not-good ones. So my faith in these good breed of people is still quite intact. All I want to say to all those exceptions out there is:

If you cannot be true to the purpose of what you're doing, if you're not passionate about what you're doing, if you're just doing it for the money, then please don't risk our lives and our faith in your profession by continuing with it.

Drop

I have been trying to write this post since Tuesday evening- the fateful day when it happened... But just could not get myself to write about it- till now that is. I guess it is only now- after four days or so- that words are forming themselves without sounding like sentences out of a documentary.

A normal day, which starts with the usual frenzy of activity. A couple of telemarketing phone calls- "Madam we are offering a new policy for accident insurance....." and I reply with "No thanks.. " as I get back to cursing my super-slow IDE while trying to fix some test-case. As noon approaches- I start feeling uneasy- maybe its the sudden change in climate.. I am not feeling very well. By the time I am done with lunch- I feel worse. So I decide to finish off with the current task and leave for home.


It's around 3:45pm when I leave office with the usual "Call me if its urgent" line. I get into my car, and get on the road. There's a mini bus in front of me. I am driving at 40KMPH. Hmm- the mini bus is slowing down- looks like it's going to take a turn now. I slow down- I don't want to overtake it - there's already a car to my left. I am not in a hurry- I slow down the car: 30KMPH.. 20KMPH... 10KMPH... Stop. I am waiting for the mini bus to complete the turn at the cutting in the road. I have been waiting for around 5 seconds now- the bus is waiting for traffic from that side to stop so that it can turn. "Come on... Take a turn!!" I say in my mind..

BANG!!!

My car has surged ahead. No- I did not accelerate. And no- the car isn't in neutral. And yes- my foot is firmly on the break. It takes a millisecond for my brain to register that someone hit my car from behind. And as soon as that registers- I turn behind- and see that white car- with it's bonnet open- speed past me.. "The number- I've got to see that car's number!!!" my brain is screaming to me.. But my eye-sight cannot reach the number plate of that car- and it is then that I realize- that my car has rammed into the mini bus in front of me- and the bonnet of my car is into the bus sideways- almost up to my windshield..

Oh-oooo...

Suddenly I forget all about that white car. The bonnet of my car has crumpled like a sheet of paper, as the corner of the turning bus stabbed into it. My hands are still on the steering wheel. I foolishly notice that the car has stopped running. Nothing happens for the next complete second. I am just sitting there- motionless- as if I expect this is to be a nightmare which will end any second now.

No it's not a nightmare. Here they come...

Who are all these people who are crowding around me? The mini-bus driver begins with a full verbal assault. "HANG ON A SEC!!!" I tell him. "I did NOT hit your bus on purpose!!! My car was hit from behind- and I got pushed into the bus!!!" He looks at me incredulously. I try to get my car started so that I can move it to avoid a traffic jam. The mini bus driver glares at me- "Madam- don't move the car till my Sahib comes- he needs to see the accident as it happened. I say.. "Ok" and proceed to take off my seat-belt and get out of the car..

Do you know what they mean by a "mob"? Well- I know now.

The mob is not letting me get out of the car. "Eee madam- stay where you are. Don't move. Don't leave the car. You think you can run away like this?" Me?! Run away?! What the hell are they talking about?! Do I really look that stupid so as to make these people think that I intentionally rammed into a mini-bus with my little Alto?! There are 10 people shouting at me at the same time and I am cornered in my car. "How dare you try to overtake and damage the mini bus?! Don't you know- the bus is under Transport Corporation (or something like that) and you can't get away after damaging it."

I am trying to make sense out of what those people are talking about. Me damaging the bus? I mean- really now. I am looking at my car- completely wrecked - and these people are threatening me not to move because I damaged the bus?!

Some people are putting their hand on the window and gesturing angrily at me. Ok- now I am scared. It suddenly dawns upon me that I am the only female around- and that it is only me against the mob. My hands are trembling now. I get hold of my cell phone and start dialing 9822... Manjusha's number. I am just a kilometer from office. She can reach soon and she will get someone along with her. "Hello.. Manjusha.. Can you come here right now.. I have met with an accident..." I am met with a brief, shocked, silence at the other side.. Manjusha's voice comes back on line- "Where are you right now..? " I tell her my location- in a surprisingly cold, accurate, machine-like way.

100 - the number is 100..

They are here- they are here!!! I have never been so happy in my life to see a police van. They let me move my car. I turn the key in the ignition- hoping that there is no blast like they show in the movies. It turns and the car springs back to life. I put it in reverse gear with doubt clouding my mind- "Will it run?!" I let go of the clutch and it moves behind- clearing all my doubts- it's running. I somehow take a U turn and park the car at the other side of the road. Some good samaritan from the crowd comes to me and hands me over two things which he picked up from the accident spot.. "Madam- here- your car's bumper and headlight- it had fallen off over there.. " I look at the two things in his hands- take them from him and thank him- I cannot believe I am carrying pieces of my car. I put them inside the car- or whatever is left of it..

Ok- so by this time I am in bad shape. Tears are stinging my eyes and and I am battling them so that they don't spill out. Of course I lose the battle as the first big, gigantic tear rolls down my cheek. By this time- the mob has been scattered away by the police. "No no no- I cannot cry right now.. Easy Priyanka easy.. " I tell myself. I get out of the car and walk towards the police personnel. I tell him what happened. I notice Manjusha and Dhanraj walking towards me.

They make a diagram of the accident- which car was where and who hit whom. They ask us to get the car to the police station, some distance from the spot. I am not sure of driving the car in that condition- but what the heck- I don't feel anything anymore- a sickening numbness has begun to set in. I drive the car in first and second till the police station. And I am greeted with expressions ranging from pity and horror as I make my way till there.

FIR time ..

The police station is a small place with a some cupboards, desks, a TV and a mirror saying "Majhaa ganvesh kasaa aahe" meaning "How does my uniform look?". I sit there silently. the police personnel question me and get all details. The FIR is ready in sometime. But I am up for another interesting ordeal now.

"Hello- is this the insurance company?"

I call up the car showroom (which had gotten me the car insurance) to get the insurance company number. A guy answers "Hello ma'am. Pleased to have received your call. How may I help you?". I clear my throat and say- "Hello- This is Priyanka- I got a car from your showroom in March- I have just met with an accident- can you please tell me which number I can contact on". Without a moment's delay the guy replies- "Oh- this is about insurance- hang on I shall transfer you to that department". I wait for the music to get over when other person comes on line with a curt "Yes?" I repeat my sentences just to be transfered again. By this time, Manjusha and Dhanraj are also fuming about the calls being transfered and their irritation fuels me a bit- and when the third operator comes online I tell her "This is Priyanka. I have met with an accident and need the insurance number. And if you dont have it- PLEASE DON'T TRANSFER THE CALL ANYWHERE WHERE I HAVE TO REPEAT EVERYTHING! JUST HANG UP" She meekly gives me the number. Manjusha is writing down all the numbers that I am speaking out. After five more calls- I reach the required person and intimate him about the accident.

Back to the pavilion

The police ask me to come around later. I somehow drive the car to the office parking where the main gate security greets with me shocked looks. I get the car into the parking and go back to my desk. Like an audio recording- I tell everyone about the accident. I have not called up my family yet- I know that would need to wait a bit.

Kunal, my teammate, says he'll drop me home. I am home now and am telling everyone about it. It seems as if it happened years ago as I recite the story again.

It's close to 9pm now- and I just want to sleep. No phone calls. Nothing. I just want to sleep....


It is only now that I am in a state to write about it without feeling numb. This incident has made me realize how lucky and special I am- and how many people there are out there who are praying for my well being. I am here today typing away about this only because I was wearing my seat belt. I am here today giving a recollection of the whole ordeal only because the car that hit mine, hit from the left side, making me hit the bus sideways. Had it been a head-on collision- my windshield would have rained on me.

I want to make an appeal to everyone who's reading this. Please wear your seat-belts while driving people. And please please live each and every moment of your life. Without regrets. Because I know what I am saying when I say that only the present moment is what we have. Live it.

Life is like a drop of water- and for me it's more beautiful now than it was ever before.. Amen! :)

A trip of a kind - the SM India kind.. :)

Finally the day arrived...
Saturday- 13th Oct 2007- the day when the SM India Team was to go to Kundalika river for rafting, followed by an overnight stay at the Durshet Nature Trails Forest Lodge. I tell you- we all were waiting for the trip since the day we decided it.


Come fast people!!!
Most people reached the pick up point well within time. By the way- I think it is worth mentioning that we were to reach office (the bus pick-up point) at 5:30am, which by no means, was an easy task. But I am glad to say- that most people made it... However- somethings got delayed- and it was almost 6:45-7 am by the time we started off. The driver looked morose- he said we won't be able to make it till 8am- which was the time at which the rafting was supposed to begin. Everyone was a little concerned....

But well- we're incorrigible optimists :)
And so- hoping for the best- we started our journey. :) People sitting towards the back of the bus were in full form- wanting to sing songs and have fun. I was a little sleepy initially- wasn't really in a mood to sing and all. But it was not much time before the excitement caught up with me- and others. And soon- we were belting out old and new Hindi movie hits one after the other. Everything from "Roop teraa mastanaa" to "Beedi jalaile"... The journey ended before we knew it.

And then the tense concern returned....
It was already 8:30am by the time we reached the site. We missed the correct turn the first time around and ended up coming around a bit, which added to the delay. As we approached the rafting site- everyone was silent- "Has the rafting started...? Are we too late".

But you see- the optimism worked!!! :)
The water in the river where we were going to raft is controlled by a dam. The dam authorities had not released water from the dam that day till the time we reached. So the rafting had not begun!! All of us shouted in joy "We have not missed it!!!"


After having some (meager) breakfast and some tea- we all waited for the dam gates to open. Time passed by- 9am - 9:30am - 10am. No sign of the water gushing in. As we whiled away our time sitting in the stationary rafts wearing the rafting gear just to pose for the camera- we all knew that it wasn't happening. I guess optimism != miracles...

Disappointment can't catch up- we're too fast for it.. :)
Nothing can kill a joyous team spirit :) Well- we can't raft- but we can go into the river and have fun splashing around there!

And that's exactly what we did- we just splashed into the river dragging everyone in the team into it playing all sorts of weird games. We kept on scaring each other saying "What if the dam gates open right now and water comes flooding in...?" We clicked dozens of pictures in all funny poses... :D

Time for another trip...
Finally we reluctantly came out of the river- it was almost 12:30pm and we had to reach the Durshet forest lodge till lunch time. We quickly changed into dry clothes and started off from their. All that splashing around had left us exhausted- and really really hungry. No one sang or even talked during the one hour to Durshet- everyone caught a few winks and woke up when the bus screeched to a halt at the Forest Lodge.

"Durshet Forest Lodge welcomes you!"
Everyone yawned, rubbed their eyes open, picked up their luggage and walked upto the lodge. We were given the keys to our rooms. Earlier we had planned that we would go for lunch following a bath. But everyone was so hungry- that all we did was- dumped the luggage in our rooms and rushed to the dining hall. The food was absolutely delicious- and our hunger made it taste totally exotic!

Howzzat!!!
After a filling lunch, we all retreated to our rooms. Some people just fell on the beds and fell asleep. But the others just took to an open ground over there and thus began the sport which rules every Indian's heart- cricket! :D The game started with a stripped down version of the actual rules, with only 5-6 people playing. In about an hour or so- everyone else joined in too and soon almost the whole team was shrieking and shouting- "Howzzat... "... "Hey that was NOT out!!" It was sheer fun... :) Every time the cricket ball used to go out of bounds- Shriram used to go hunt for it- he was unanimously named the cricket-ball-debugger :P

Splash!!
After a hot and sweaty game of cricket- the swimming pool suddenly looked inviting... Almost everyone jumped into the cool blue pool... The ace swimmers were trying to teach novices like myself and others how to hold your breath under water and all the other tricks... We played some pool volleyball and brought the whole place down with our shrieks...

Food- bring us more food!
And of course- then we were hungry again! We quickly changed into dry clothes and went to the cafeteria for some evening snacks, wherein a wonderful layout of mouth-watering pani-puri was awaiting us. I ate more than I could ever imagine- and I guess it was the same for everyone else.

It was around 5:30-6pm or so already... The sunset was beautiful and romantic... And the breeze was slow and silken... The butterflies were flitting around as if they were completely unaware of our presence there... Away from the glaring lights and the inhuman sounds of the city- it all felt soothing... A perfect getaway....

And then they ATTACKED
As we returned to our rooms- we felt their presence- and increasingly they would not let us walk straight. I am talking about none other than the monstrous mosquitoes which hovered around us making us dance while shooing them away. Thankfully, the lodge caretakers got some smoky solution to the problem and the mosquitoes left us in peace.

Two fat majors.. 8 and 8 is 88.. And a shake..!!
Yeah- then it was time for a game of Tambola or Housie!!! Prasanna got this wonderful portable tambola kit and I became the number announcer... Nehal took away three of the main prizes- I guess it was really her lucky day :)

"Jungle hain aadhee raat hain...." (It's midnight in a jungle..)
Then it was time to go for a nature trail- it was a perfect time to do that. It was pitch dark and a guide from the lodge was going to lead us to the Amba river shore- which was hardly some distance from the lodge. And thus we began with our flickering torches- walking down those shaky steps in the middle of the jungle... And a series of suspense movie songs made the situation just perfect for the weak hearted :))

And that moment, my dear friends, was Magic...
As we reached the river shore- there was not a light in sight. We all switched off our torches- and that is when we could see it in all its glory- the clear night sky with trillions of stars glittering like diamonds. Everyone was silent- we were so taken by the beauty of it all- words seemed like intruders in those moments. The sky was so clear- we saw at least 5 shooting stars. And the fireflies glowing in the dark made it even more magical- as if we had come into some kind of a fairy tale land... We were a bit sad when we turned back to go- but hunger got better of us... :D

More more more... Food... :)
I tell you- that place served amazing food. We had an awesome dinner and if it was not for the limited size of the human stomach- we could have kept eating forever. I think the cafeteria people must've heaved a sigh of relief when they finally saw us leaving ;)

Old wood- new flames... :)
Then we all gathered for a beautiful bonfire. All of us exchanged random stories and thoughts as we marveled the flames which slowly consumed the wood- and in turn passed their luminescence to the dry wood as it glowed ferociously. We let the warmth of the bonfire massage our hands and feet long after the flames died out..

Finally, as both the hands of the clock met each other- just to separate again- all of us retired to our rooms.

"knock knock... Knock Knock... KNOCK KNOCK.. WAKE UP!!!"
I stirred lazily in my bed and as I strained to see the time- I saw that it was almost 9am. I jumped out of bed and opened the door. Breakfast was going to be served till 10am someone told me.

Wait for us... We're coming right now!
Well- the cafeteria people did wait for us and served us the most sumptuous breakfast consisting of Idli-MeduWada with chutney and sambhar, Shira-pohe, Bread with butter and jam and bananas. Given that I had eaten so much the previous day- I was surprised at how hungry I was as I gobbled up all the food.

Photo session
Following the breakfast- every one got ready, got their luggage together and came together for the one last grand group photo. Well- so much for that. Before that one grand photo- we took all sorts of funny pictures with people climbing over trees and in the bushes. All the wild animals over there must've nodded their heads thinking what fools we were. But well- we were totally absorbed in having fun. We were like kids playing in the park- oblivious to all adults around.. :)

And there we were....
All of us- feeling happy and light and relaxed... As we started off to come back to Pune- I was thinking to myself- the main reason we planned this trip was for the adventure sport- the river-rafting. And we did not even get to do that. But there was absolutely no sense of disappointment as we made our way back in the bus. Because we did what we had really planned to do- be together- get to know each other a bit more- lets some walls of inhibition come down- and most important of all- HAVE FUN! And boy-o-boy did we do that or what!

Here's to the SM India Team- the best team that I've ever been in!

CHEERS!

Clash of the Titans...

Six teams of fifteen people each. A cool game modeled on the age old game of Treasure Hunt. A very good idea to bring disparate teams in a business unit together. The game plan was perfect. And the end-result? A group of people shouting at each other at the top of their voices- fighting with the event coordinators for justice.

People came for the event fully charged- and most of them (read the losers) left with joyless sarcastic cheer and the others (read the winners) left with some gifts and empty hoots of hurrays. Empty because they were already so tired fighting for the win- it did not seem like a win anymore.

The idea behind the game was to entertain the people involved- to get them to know each other in a setting which was outside the context of work. But what ended up happening was a bitter group of unruly people ready to climb up on chairs and tables to prove their point.

What went wrong with an event which started off with such a good idea? The fact that the coordinators were not well prepared and the organization could definitely have been better added to the fiasco- and am sure that they can and will learn from these shortcomings. But the next time- they would need to do more than just organize it- they need to know how to tame the people they are trying to cater to...

I guess it is difficult to entertain a bunch of intelligent people, each one of whom is as ambitious as the other, each one of whom has stood first in their class in school/college, each one of whom is an ace performer at the workplace. When such people are pitted against each other- we must expect fireworks. Their only aim is to win. And when they see something or someone trying to stop that from happening- bang! Out come all the intellectual weapons loaded with huge amounts of verbal sarcasm.

I was once chosen as one of the anchors for an Antakshari contest in the company. When the event coordinator met me- he looked at me with a surprised look and said-
"You?! You almost look like a fresher! You are going to compere it?"
"Why- yes I am.. Are you unsure about whether I would be able to present it well..?"
"Oh no no- not at all... I have no doubts about your verbal and presentational skills... But you have to remember- when the teams start playing- it is not a game anymore- it is like being on the war-front... Are you sure you want to do this..?"
"Well thanks for the warning sir.. But I think I can handle this"
I was amused at what the coordinator had said- and I was thinking to myself- how bad can it get! It's a simple game.

And as I look back- I know I have never been more mistaken in my life. I had to tame those teams like a ring master- they were like wild animals on the loose- and the audience would just add fuel to the fire. After the contest- my co-anchor said "Priyanka- today I saw your Kali maataa roop" and I replied back saying "Today I saw the raakshas in all those brilliant engineers who come across as perfect sophisticates when you meet them in the hallway or in the pantry".

Yesterday evening, as I watched everyone around me fight- I was wondering- why was the purpose lost on them? Why are they playing it as if it is a matter of life and death. Being passionate about it is fine- and in fact- I would not allow myself to play the game if I wasn't into it completely. But is that passion itself not the biggest reward in a game like this?! Is enjoying oneself not the first prize in a group activity like this? I played it with full spirit and enjoyed the adrenalin rush to the hilt as we searched for clues.. I enjoyed myself completely as I looked at all the clues with my teammates to figure out the answer. And it was my moment of glory when the answer occurred to me in a flurry of mental activity. Those moments were more precious to me than the presentation ceremony later.

But it is and will remain the truth that most people that I saw around me yesterday- entered the game to win it- and win it at any cost. For them- it was not a way to relax and interact with people- it was just another way to prove themselves. And that is exactly where the fun element disappeared completely.

I don't mean to sound like a monk here- I love the limelight and I love being acknowledged (yeah well- am human!). But fighting to get acknowledged by proving others wrong... Hmm.. Not my cup of tea.

All those people who were fighting yesterday did not realize a simple thing- they did not need a silly game to prove their capabilities to anyone. All of them are already winners in their own right.

Everyone has to struggle to make a mark- and the initial step of making this mark involves the acknowledgment by some people (parents/teachers/managers/family/society). Once that mark is made- we need to stop depending on their acknowledgment to certify our capabilities. We need to grow up and scale ahead. After a certain point, the best acknowledgment and appreciation comes from us- and it is called contentment... :)

Teachings of Life

5th Sept was celebrated as Teachers Day all over India. It reminded me of my school and college days when I used to make cards for all my teachers.

This Teacher's Day I thought of all those teachers who created a permanent impression on me. And a huge string of names started tumbling down from memory. I guess I cannot put down the whole list here. All the names that came to my mind included teachers starting from my pre-nursery to final year of engineering, family, my seniors in college and colleagues at my workplace. I was thinking to myself- wow- I have learnt so much from so many people. And suddenly I thought- so who is my favorite teacher of all..? And the answer was immediate and unanimous.

Life

It has given me experiences which taught me more than a hundred books. It has thrown up questions which I struggled through- but when I went past them- the satisfaction that I felt was better than any rank prizes or medals. It has taught me important lessons in faith and courage that no amount of logical reasoning could have explained or put forth. And the best part is- this teacher does not stop teaching me as I change places or positions or phases. It always has something or the other to teach me through everything that it brings with itself.

Happy Teachers Day!

An Affair to Remember

I have never been attached in any place in general. One reason for that is because my father was in the Army, and the whole routine of moving to a new place every two years made me detached from places- and even people. Moving to a new place meant making a new home, making new friends and making new memories.

Which is why it caught me by surprise when I was close to tears while moving from my present hostel room.

I have been living in a single room all by myself for the past two years. Usually one tends to get attached to a place by virtue of the people there. But as a result of my irregular timings, I hardly knew any of the other girls in hostel. The occasional talk that I had with them was in the common kitchen, limited to Hi's and Hello's and boring weather talk- or in the common TV hall, limited to a unanimous criticism or praise of the ongoing television program. "It's definitely not the company that I am going to miss" I thought to myself...

Then what is it? Why do I feel a little sad as I am all set to move out of this room?!

It is an ordinary room by all means- a modest space enclosed by four walls and a ceiling, two half functional windows and a balcony. There is an old steel cupboard, a bed, a desk and two chairs that it houses.

But those four walls have been an expression of my joy, sorrow, love and happiness through all the posters that I made myself and put on them. That ceiling has provided me the comfort of a roommate as I sometimes lay wide awake in bed at night staring at it. That cupboard has seen my rage as I banged its doors shut- and it has seen my helplessness as I once clinged onto the door and fell to the floor crying after a particularly difficult day. That forlorn bed has welcomed me to rest even when most living people close to me were not there for me- it has felt my twists and turns through nervous anxiety- it has seen me wake up after wonderful ecstatic dreams and it has felt the scared grip on my fingers as I woke up from terrifying nightmares- it has soaked in my tears and sobs. Those desk and chairs have been like my daily diary, more a part of my routine than my most intimate family/friends. That balcony has been witness to my love and pain alike on silent nights as I watched the moon come up over the dark old trees silhouetted against its faint calm light. It is the violet flowers spread out in that balcony which have given this blog its name. All these have been the most intimate witnesses to my life in the past two years.

This room has been my equal partner in my first tryst with complete independence. And it never let me feel the absence of a living counterpart. And that is what makes it so special. I have never had any particular problem bidding farewell to people- but a farewell to this small room has me up in knots.

But as they say- farewells should never be unhappy. Though I am sad leaving this room behind, I am equally sure that I will make a new friend in my new place. It will be a new home. I will always have fond memories of this first home of mine. And that's how life is- old memories and young hopes!

Color

http://www.flickr.com/photos/spotlights/178741693/

Smile
Dream
Hope
Trust
Love

A New Year resolution to fill in colors of faith in the black-and-white sanctity of these words... And to use them as verbs instead of nouns...

Celebration

Diwali begins today- with Dhanteras. As I get set to celebrate the festival of lights in this foreign land- I know I will miss making rangoli- lighting diya's- hanging aakaash-kandil- and playing with anaar and phool-jhadees and most important of all- the home-made sweets and other delicacies that are going to flood my home and office back in India!

But I also know that I have the festive spirit in my heart- and even if it is without all these above things- I will celebrate Diwali here with a new dress and a candle or two! I will celebrate this festival with as much joy because the light is inside of me- and I carry it wherever I go :)

Here's wishing myself a Happy Diwali and a Happy New Year...

Rain rain go away- Li'l Pri wants a way...

I have my Visa Interview on 21st June'2006 at 11am. I am to travel to Mumbai for the same on 20th June'2006 in the evening so that I can reach the Consulate well in time without any unnecessary last minute troubles.

Day 1 - 20th June'2006

3:30pm

The company travel desk sends me a train ticket for travelling from Pune station to Mumbai CST. The train is set to depart at 5:55pm. I come to my desk, put all documents in order and go for snacks to the cafeteria. I leave with my friend Venks around 4:45pm to go to the station on his bike. It usually takes a maximum of 30min to reach the station- so it's all fine. I mean- we are leaving around 1 hour before or so!

5:00pm

There seems to be a lot of traffic today! We are around FC road- and we see a procession of people going down the road in the opposite direction. I comment on how enormous the procession (or paalkee as it is called) looks and also go onto say that the cops seem to be doing a good job of managing it. We have a comfortable 55 min to travel to the station.

5:10pm

Hmm- there is a traffic jam at the signal before the Shivaji Nagar crossroads- but the traffic is moving slowly. We see that the procession is travelling right down that road. We head towards Shivaji Nagar. 45 min left before the train leaves- but we can surely make it.

5:20pm

We are stuck at the Shivaji Nagar signal. The procession is passing through and the signal is switched off. There is no cop in sight. There is a gigantic traffic jam. We decide to try out another route- and go to the Shoppers Stop road. A good half-an hour left for the train to leave- and from Shoppers Stop- we'll reach the station in 15 min or so!

5:30pm

We are back at the Shivaji Nagar traffic jam. The Shoppers Stop route is closed as well- because that is where the paalkee is coming all the way from. We try to get through the traffic jam- it seems they are halting the paalkee every 10min or so and letting traffic through. Cool- so we can atleast reach the station till 5:45 or so- which is fine- I'll get the train...

5:40pm

Yes- so we are still at Shivaji Nagar. They stop the paalkee alright- but everyone tries to go through at the same time and it ends up increasing the traffic jam. There is absolutely no approach route to Pune station and by now we are so deep in the jam that turning back seems improbable to happen. Venks and I are staring at each other and our watches intermittently...

I am at Shivaji Nagar. There is a paalkee in full swing coming in my direction. I have no conveyance. And I have 15 min left before the train leaves Pune Station.

5:41pm

I start running towards the Sancheti signal- as fast as I can- dodging people from the paalkee- leaving some shouting cops behind me. The countdown has begun- 14 min to go...

5:43pm

I reach Sancheti signal and spot some autos. One of them says he'll come to the station but will charge Rs100 and with no guarantee as to when we will reach. I suppress the urge to curse him in public and start running again. The traffic jam is about a kilometer long in this direction too. I spot a lone two-wheeler driver and ask him for a lift till the station. He reluctantly looks at me and refuses. I say thanks anyways and keep running ahead. Hmm- 12 min and running...

5:45pm

The two-wheeler guy comes up and says- "Ok- hop along". He drops me at the next signal. I cross the signal amidst running vehicle with the irate drivers admonishing me. Yes!! I spot an empty auto-rickshaw.
"Bhaiyya station chaloge? Please jaldee chalon..." He obliges. Ok- 10 min...

5:50pm

The auto is stranded 300m from the station- there is another traffic jam- apparently some PMT bus is reversing out of the bus-stop and has stopped all traffic. I hand a Rs20 note to the rickshaw driver and set out running towards the station. I actually stop a car midway in the road while I cross it- another curse from the driver and I try to throw one of my most charming smiles at him and say sorry. Almost 5 min to go...

5:53pm

I reach the main entrance of the station. There's a cop there- "Sir- Intra City kaun se platform par aatee hain?" "Platform 2 par dekho..." I climb the stairs hurriedly bumping into people, luggage, children and the consequent obscenities uttered by them. I dare not look at my watch- I am just running...

5:55pm

Yes! I reached it- I reached platform 2!! I step onto the platform from the last stair and there it is- my train- Intra City Pune-CST- its last bogey leaving the platform with the guard happily waving the green flag. I run after it but end up bumping into people.

The train has left- right there- in front of my eyes.

6:00pm

OK- time out. I need to sit down after all that running. I see a missed call from Venky. I call him back and give him the news. He says he just managed to escape the traffic jam a minute ago and is headed towards the station. Meanwhile- there is no time to be upset. I need to get to Mumbai for the interview and that's it. I go to the tea-stall on the platform-
"Bhaiyya Mumbai jaane ke liye next train kaunsee hain?"
"Indrayani hain abhee 6:30"
"Ticket kahaan milegee?"
"Platform 1 par jaaon- wahaan current booking counter par milegee.."

6:10pm

So it's time to run again! I run back up the stairs from platform 2 to platform 1 and run to the ticket counter. Its a scenic place- no queue is shorter than 50 people, with each person taking an average of 2-3min at the counter. The next train is at 6:30pm- and I am standing in a similar queue waiting for my turn.

6:15pm

Venks reaches the ticket counter after a lot of guiding on the cellphone. We decide that getting tickets for the train might not work out- lets go to Aundh and take a Volvo from there. We leave the station.

6:30pm

It's been 15 min- we are just 1.5kms from the station- in another traffic jam- again about 500m long or so...

6:40pm

We have moved 500m in the past 10 min and now waiting for the signal to turn green. It starts pouring down full force. I have my Visa documents in a plastic bag...

7:40pm

We finally managed to negotiate 5 more traffic jams and have reached Karve Rd in a record one hour- just to find another traffic jam. Hmm...

7:50pm
We are on Law College Rd. It is completely jammed- the whole road. We have stopped looking at the watch...

8:15pm

We finally reach Senapati Bapat Rd and stop at my hostel. I need to call someone up now- I cannot take a bus so late and reach Mumbai at an unearthly hour- I am not well acquainted with the city. Now I have to travel in the morning. I get a towel for Venky as he waits in the hostel porch and I call up travel desk. I also call up my uncle who lives in Aundh to ask for some advice and to keep an alternate plan ready.

8:25pm

I am making tea for Venky in my hostel kitchen on the 1st floor when the travel desk calls up- they have arranged conveyance for me in the morning- a car which will pick me up from the hostel and take me directly to the Consulate. They have also arranged a Consulate Lounge pass for me so that I can wait there till my turn comes. My uncle is going to accompany me- so that there's no issue me travelling alone in the cab.

8:30pm

We are sipping hot tea in the hostel hall. All the documents are safe and dry. The conveyance coordinator calls me up and takes my address.

9:00pm

We are at the company head office to collect louge pass. We decide to walk to some place nearby and have dinner.

9:20pm

We are still walking! The first 3 restaurants that we passed are crowded.

9:25pm

We find a small place that is relatively empty and order food.

10:10pm

Venky drops me at the hostel and heads home. I am hoping he doesn't fall ill...

10:40pm

I drop on my bed and immediately fall asleep...

Day 2 - 21st June'2006

The car comes sharp at 5:30am and picks me up. My uncle is going to accompany me- we pick him up on the way from Aundh. We touch the consulate at exactly 8:25am. I am called inside at 10:50am. My interview is over by 11:50am and I am outside the Consulate at 12:05pm. We leave Mumbai at around 12:45pm and reach Pune at 3:30pm.

An avalanche of events like these have their right place in a movie script- everything going wrong- Murphy's Laws manifested in all their forms- followed by a perfect day where everything went right- the climax of the movie.

Just think about it though- everything that you call filmy remains so only till it happens to you...