An Unobstrusive Resolve

Today I celebrated Vat Savitri - a fast for something that I pray for every night anyways. Vat Savitri is an equivalent of Karwachauth - different name, same game. It's a fast praying to the Gods, asking them to bless my husband with a long, healthy and happy life.

Today I realized something that I have always suspected to be true, but did not want to say out before I could experience it myself. Today I know that this day goes way beyond the candy-floss and loud Karwachauth that Hindi movies have made it out to be. This day is not about showing off the power of marriage. Quite the contrary - it's about celebrating the subtlety of this bond. It's about letting the understated remain as is, without hanging it up in a showcase garishly decorated with ek-chutki-sindoor, heavy sarees, not to mention the much-hyped wait for chaand, and the exorbitantly expensive gifts that eventually follow.

Everyone who knows me knows how flamboyant I am. I'm very romantic, I love dressing up and all the works. So I'm sure there'll be people who read this and take the chance to stand up and shout "You hypocrite!!". Well, point taken. But there are some things which I do not like flaunting - my marriage and my quiet romance with my husband is one of them.

On this day, I pray to the Gods that I always have the strength to fill my husband's long life with the subtlety he so loves.

Amen ...

Communication and Paranthas!

" ... which is okay, but what about the Mangalashtaka vidhi? We have to do that first.. "

"... Pradnya - where's the newspaper?.. wait wait I got it"

"... because if we begin at 8 in the morning, we will get only 2 hours before we can .."

"... hey how do you switch on the TV? "

"... do it in the middle hours, and they will get time for make up and all .. "

"... no no.. put on cartoon network naah... "

"... Karishma get one more chair for Kaku..."

"... yes yes.. what will you have? Kokum sharbat? Ok ok.. Priya? Beta, give her some sharbat.. Priya??? Ayyeee Priyaaaaaaaaa?????"

I snap out of the surreal state that I have been in ever since all these voices started flooded my living room today mornin. I mechanically walk to the kitchen to prepare some Kokum sharbat for someone - I am not yet sure who. I am just in awe of the many people who have gathered in my living room and are trying to finalize the proceedings of one of the most important days of my life. Yup - it's my marriage day that they are all discussing about, which is 6 months from now, but looking at the activity around me, it seems as if I am going to be sent packing from my house tomorrow itself!

As expected, it is a completely chaotic family meeting. All these people are talking in groups of two or three, each group having a completely different discussion. And I am wondering to myself- how the hell are these people ever going to reach ANY conclusion like this?!

"Priya? Get some water for Kaka.."

I get back to work. I'm thinking about me and Kunal and how things have been going between our families. Simple is the right word to describe the way things have gone between the two families. We were expecting some opposition and fireworks, but given the kind of intense fireworks both me and Kunal have had to face in our lives till now, I think God decided to give us a welcome break in this regard :)

Simple. At least till now.

I can sense some tension in the air today. There are some obvious differences in some pooja vidhis. But what is amazing is the dignity with which these differences are being handled and the way everyone is striving to reach some middle ground. I see that the chaotic discussion has reached a final conclusion in less than an hour, and all the management principles and communication rules that are taught in high profile institutes, suddenly seem so mundane and small. I mean - I look at these people sitting in front of me, deciding some important details in between laughter, tea and paranthas and yet excelling at what they are doing!

These folks are not MBAs or PHDs. These people have not taken any special classes in communication. These are simple people who want everyone to have their say and realize and accept the fact that each of them will need to adjust a bit. Which is why it's not surprising that they have managed to clear out all chaos and decide exactly what's to be done, without any hint of malice or hurt.

All this while, when I used to hear professionally experienced and highly educated people talk about "unique challenges in communication", I thought it truly must be a big deal. But today I saw our folks in action and saw these simple people come up with one solution after the other. That, my dear friends, was effortless communication. And no institute in this world can "teach" that.

I suppose some of my MBA friends, especially the ones who think that communication is a "big deal" and preach others, can get some tips in communication from our folks! Don't worry guys - you won't have to pay for it! In fact you will get paranthas when you come over.. :)

Togetherness

"...thinking of days when we will be very far- physically.. We may not talk for long- see each other... But the distance will not be there.. And we will have lives... And we will cross again multiple times... As our destiny will lay out for us... Be close, far... So many years to look forward to.... Years of longing, years of knowing each other, years of being there for each other......"

Happy 25th Anniversary Mummy and Papa...

Dancing in the rain

What is it that makes a relationship stay, or blow away, or worse, wither away. It is a simple thing- but like all other simple things, it is a little difficult to understand, more so to accept and apply. But I have seen it work flawlessly in all those relationships around me which have and will survive through and through everything.

It is called Come What May- and it is not a magic potion or a divine chant- it is an attitude. It says that come what may- I will be with you- that I know that we are to be together- that I do not see being with you as a choice to anything but as my very existence. Sounds like stuff out of an old romantic classic? If you let your attention stray from the romanticism in the words and think about the solemnity in them, maybe it will make more sense.

Obviously, this attitude does not come suddenly- especially not when two people first get into a relationship. It develops over time as both of them start realizing that they are meant to be and that they can be together always. It develops when both of them start understanding that never can both of them be angry or upset at the same time- if one is angry- the other one has to make sure things are normal again. It develops when both of them start acknowledging that never can both of them be in doubt at the same time- if one starts feeling disillusioned- the other has to revive the faith and the spark. The phrase "You complete me" sounds very cliched- but only when it is said and perceived in terms of completing each others' permanent deficiencies. We all go on to lack what we might have had sometime back- enthusiasm, courage, hope and many other things. Completing each other means replenishing these things in each other when need be.

No relationship is free from its low moments- these keep it alive. In such times, the key is to remember all the highs you've had, smile to yourself and say- "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass- it's about dancing in the rain"

Shall we dance?

I had gone out for dinner with some of my colleagues last evening. The restaurant had a live band playing and one of my colleagues is a real dance enthusiast. So we used to end up on the dance floor everytime a dance number was played. Incidentally, my colleague's husband does not share the same enthusiasm for dance like she does. So he never really joined us and preferred watching us as we let ourselves be lost in the music.

After our meal was over- we thought that we'll just dance for a while and then leave. She called her husband many times to join her- but he wouldn't budge from his place. Finally she resigned with- "Ok then..."

And then, after two minutes or so, he came up on the dance floor and whisked her in his arms and they danced for, what seemed to the rest of us like, eternity! I wonder whether they both realized it- but everyone around, including all of us from the team, were clapping and cheering them both. Finally the song ended and we all decided to go home. It was late and I was going to stay back at their place, so I went with them. And I could see that smile on her face throughout the drive back and even after that.

It is truly the small things that matter- they create the big picture. A diamond ring is not even half as precious as making a moment special with something as implicit as a smile or a touch. As they say- one glance says more than a thousand words. I saw how much a small gesture meant to someone last night. Love is truly in the small things. And I hope both of them dance away like last night together into the rest of their lives...

God! Do I love fairy-tale endings or what?! So- you ready for a dance? :)