Scar

"Yes.. We're just around the corner.. No no, don't take the bus - we'll be there in 2 min.. Please stop crying .. We're coming right away.."

We spotted her standing at the opposite end of the road. It was dark and I could not see her face, but her stride reflected her agony. She crossed over to our side and got into the car. We sat in silence for sometime before Kunal asked her -
"What happened.. ? You guys had a fight or something..?"

She started unfolding the story. Knowing the couple pretty well, we had already guessed some of the story while going to pick her up and most of our guesses were true. Except one small detail that came in between sobs -
".. so he slapped me across the face"

I did not want to believe that I heard that right. I shuddered inside - and my hands started shivering.. I don't know whether it was anger or shock or disgust.

"Slapped??? He hit you?!"

I looked back at her and the red swelling at the corner of her left eye suddenly became prominently visible inside the dim light of the car.

She touched the wound - " It's the ring - his ring cut me near the eye.."

I swallowed the lump in my throat - "How did he.. I.. I can't believe he hit you.. He knows you're expecting.. and... "

She cut me short - "Yeah well.. It hasn't happened for the first time. I've been slapped in public once - out on the road. At least this time it was within closed doors - maybe that's the discount this time because I am pregnant now.."

I did not know what to say. We happen to be very close to this couple and hearing her say all this was shocking. We took her to our place and tried to cheer her up a bit. Her husband came over to our place looking for her later that night. We left them alone so that they could talk it out and they both left together some time later. I will never forget the look on her face as she left that night - her eyes seemed to say.. "This is not the last time ..."

All these days when I used to hear about domestic violence, I automatically associated it with illiterate people living in dire financial conditions. It was something I associated with house maids, construction workers and the like. Never with normal people like us. And here I was, trying to console a woman as literate as me, who was hit not once but multiple times, by her well-educated husband.

I am no one to judge the reasons behind their fight. I don't know who was right and who was wrong. But nothing justifies a physical assault. Nothing.

I have no clue if they will find a solution and resolve everything the right way. All I hope is that there is no "next time".

Communication and Paranthas!

" ... which is okay, but what about the Mangalashtaka vidhi? We have to do that first.. "

"... Pradnya - where's the newspaper?.. wait wait I got it"

"... because if we begin at 8 in the morning, we will get only 2 hours before we can .."

"... hey how do you switch on the TV? "

"... do it in the middle hours, and they will get time for make up and all .. "

"... no no.. put on cartoon network naah... "

"... Karishma get one more chair for Kaku..."

"... yes yes.. what will you have? Kokum sharbat? Ok ok.. Priya? Beta, give her some sharbat.. Priya??? Ayyeee Priyaaaaaaaaa?????"

I snap out of the surreal state that I have been in ever since all these voices started flooded my living room today mornin. I mechanically walk to the kitchen to prepare some Kokum sharbat for someone - I am not yet sure who. I am just in awe of the many people who have gathered in my living room and are trying to finalize the proceedings of one of the most important days of my life. Yup - it's my marriage day that they are all discussing about, which is 6 months from now, but looking at the activity around me, it seems as if I am going to be sent packing from my house tomorrow itself!

As expected, it is a completely chaotic family meeting. All these people are talking in groups of two or three, each group having a completely different discussion. And I am wondering to myself- how the hell are these people ever going to reach ANY conclusion like this?!

"Priya? Get some water for Kaka.."

I get back to work. I'm thinking about me and Kunal and how things have been going between our families. Simple is the right word to describe the way things have gone between the two families. We were expecting some opposition and fireworks, but given the kind of intense fireworks both me and Kunal have had to face in our lives till now, I think God decided to give us a welcome break in this regard :)

Simple. At least till now.

I can sense some tension in the air today. There are some obvious differences in some pooja vidhis. But what is amazing is the dignity with which these differences are being handled and the way everyone is striving to reach some middle ground. I see that the chaotic discussion has reached a final conclusion in less than an hour, and all the management principles and communication rules that are taught in high profile institutes, suddenly seem so mundane and small. I mean - I look at these people sitting in front of me, deciding some important details in between laughter, tea and paranthas and yet excelling at what they are doing!

These folks are not MBAs or PHDs. These people have not taken any special classes in communication. These are simple people who want everyone to have their say and realize and accept the fact that each of them will need to adjust a bit. Which is why it's not surprising that they have managed to clear out all chaos and decide exactly what's to be done, without any hint of malice or hurt.

All this while, when I used to hear professionally experienced and highly educated people talk about "unique challenges in communication", I thought it truly must be a big deal. But today I saw our folks in action and saw these simple people come up with one solution after the other. That, my dear friends, was effortless communication. And no institute in this world can "teach" that.

I suppose some of my MBA friends, especially the ones who think that communication is a "big deal" and preach others, can get some tips in communication from our folks! Don't worry guys - you won't have to pay for it! In fact you will get paranthas when you come over.. :)

Find your own dream

"When I was young- my parents told me what to do. When I grew up and got married, my husband told me what to do. And now, my children tell me what to do. I am tired of others dictating my life. For God's sake- it's MY life!!"

One of my aunts was particularly upset the other day as she blurted out all these words in one breath. I was sitting there silently, with my hand on her shoulder- trying to pacify her a bit. But I found words betraying me as I tried to string them in sentences. I just sat there with her and she tried to fight back sobs.

I tried to think of what she must be feeling. I am not yet in the second and third phase that my aunt talked about. But my parents never dictated my life as I grew up. They never forced me to wear a certain kind of clothes. They never stopped me from participating in extra-curricular activities thinking that my studies would suffer. They never inhibited me from making friends who were guys, out of the fear that I would elope with one of them. One of the biggest examples is the time when I decided to do my engineering from Nasik. Everyone, including my closest relatives, called me stupid and naive for choosing to take admission in a college in Nasik, in spite of having the necessary percentile and opportunity to join some prestigious colleges. But my Mom and Dad never questioned it. And the fact that I am doing quite well now- is my answer to all those people who did not believe in me back then, and my tribute to my parents who wholeheartedly supported my decision.

As I sat with with my aunt that day- I recollected all this and felt fortunate to have been given the chance to prove that I can make my decisions. That has given me the confidence to find my own dreams and to see them come true. And I remembered something which my Dad has always said to me in different words over all these years... Don't live someone else's life and dreams. Go find your own.

Thank you Mom and Dad- you made me the confident person that I am today :)

Togetherness

"...thinking of days when we will be very far- physically.. We may not talk for long- see each other... But the distance will not be there.. And we will have lives... And we will cross again multiple times... As our destiny will lay out for us... Be close, far... So many years to look forward to.... Years of longing, years of knowing each other, years of being there for each other......"

Happy 25th Anniversary Mummy and Papa...