Dreams Unlimited

"Don't tell me you've stopped dreaming! No. Not YOU!!"

I had one of my friends exclaim this loudly to me the other day.

"Priyanka you're THE eternal dreamer, who can cross oceans for her dreams. You're.. umm.. you're like Geet from the movie Jab We Met. That's what you've always been. A person who would give anything for her dreams. Well... Maybe also a person whose dreams get fulfilled as often as they get broken. But when have broken dreams stopped Priyanka from dreaming again? Nope. They never have and they never will... Right? RIGHT???"

I smiled as my friend threw a worried glance at me. The news of me having my name put up on a local matrimonial service made her spew out all this.

"How the hell do you think you can get into an arranged marriage?? Priyanka - you're NOT arranged marriage material - you have to fall in love and get married.. I cannot believe you're doing this!!"

"Well.. Thousands of people get into arranged marriages every year you know" I made a weak attempt to reason with her.

"Yeah- thousands of people do it. But not you Priyanka. Not YOU!!"

I smiled again. After being put up on the matrimonial circuit for almost a year now, I knew what she was talking about. No, I am not saying it's a bad thing. But has it ever been a great feeling to get judged by complete strangers who come to "see" you? I am not trying to sound like a victim here, because I am sure that the feeling is mutual - I am sure that the guy feels the same way, if not worse. But that's the whole point.

Is there any place for dreams when two people are expected to decide about each other in one meeting which lasts for not more than 2 hours? No. There is no place for dreams in such a setting. It's a totally practical decision, which is made on the basis of caste+kundali+(and other things which fall in this category), education, financial status, social status, looks and so on- not necessarily in that order. There is no place for love either - it's the "pyaar to ho hee jayegaa" syndrome, wherein we are expected to fall in love with each other once we have decided that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

"Priyanka!! Are you listening to me??"

I looked at my friend. She's been married for over four years now - love marriage - and was recently blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I sighed. How do I explain it to her? How do I tell her that my time is running out? That being a girl who's 25 years of age and still unmarried is supposed to be a sin for me and a shame for my parents. Especially since I am a working girl. Had I been studying, it would still have been acceptable. That ways I would have at least had a post graduation degree to show off. I don't have that either. All I have is 4 years of work-ex, which is zero value-addition to my matrimonial resume.

"Nothing.." I said to her.. "I guess I am going down the arranged marriage way after all!" I forced another smile.

"That's totally full of s***" she swore. "Hey!! What about that friend of yours who .."

"So how's your li'l angel doing?" I cut her short. She got the hint and backed off gracefully, and easily got into talking about her new status as a full time mom. I drew in a breath of relief. The discussion was over - at least for now.

As I was coming back home after meeting her, I was thinking to myself - have I stopped dreaming? Have I stopped believing that I will find the kind of love that I am looking for? Haven't I already compromised on my chances of finding it by agreeing to dress up every weekend for bride seekers? Haven't I given up on falling in love my way?

And I was surprised at the answer that I gave to myself, and the surety with which it came to me. Whatever my truth maybe at this moment, it cannot wash out the truth that has been with me all my life. And a quote started ringing in my ears..

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”

Solitary Confinement

I was talking to one of my single friends last evening, and he seemed extremely morose. The reason? His long standing tradition of going out with his friends every Saturday was broken the first time in 5 years. The reason? Well.. All his friends are now either married or engaged - and prefer spending their weekends with their special someones.. Their group had started with around 12 people.. And over the years, the number dwindled exponentially - till this guy was the only one remaining.

The void that's left behind by friends getting hooked up with their special someones is disturbing - as was quite apparent from the way my friend was sulking. And this ordeal is especially painful for people who're staying alone and away from their immediate family. "Love is always overrated" my friend went on.. Yes - there are other important things in this world - great work, good money, a loving and understanding family.. Then why is it so that he's so upset?

I guess it's because a good bank balance or even parents and siblings cannot always give you the kind of company that you wish to have when you want to watch a movie, or cook, or go shopping for a new gadget, or just plain have someone with you as you watch some stupid program on the idiot box. It's basically to cure an ailment called loneliness.

Reminds me of this quote that I read sometime back:

"I've got everything I need except a man. And I'm not one of those women who thinks a man is the answer to everything, but I'm tired of being alone."

Which way is the highway?

"Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show."

I was talking to a friend today and as I gave him the latest updates of what's up with me, he started looking for a word to describe the pace of my life. And we both finally decided on happening.

So how do we define happening? Does a person who goes out partying every night have a happening life? Or is it happening only if the person goes out partying every night with a different set of friends? :)

I believe happening is when there is no certainty in one's life. And the absence of certainty makes everything completely unpredictable and hence makes every thing seem like a new twist and an unexpected turn..

As we went to talk about other things, I wondered whether I am really enjoying my happening life. "Of course I am.." I said to myself ".. but one cannot have popcorn for dinner all life.."

Get set GO!!

While sorting out my book rack- I found some old paper cuttings. I have had this hobby ever since I started reading newspapers. Whenever I came across some interesting articles or abstract art, I would cut them out and put them in a file-folder, so that I could make a scrapbook out of them. Then I got busy, and though the pile of cuttings kept on growing, they never made their way into a scrapbook.

The following excerpt. from a column called Points To Ponder from a very old edition of Reader's Digest, caught my attention:

When I was a Boy Scout, we played a game when new Scouts joined the troop. We lined up chairs in a pattern, creating an obstacle course through which the new Scouts, blindfolded, were supposed to manoeuvre. The Scoutmaster gave them a few moments to study the pattern before our adventure began. But as soon as the victims were blindfolded, the rest of us quietly removed the chairs.

I think life is like this game. Perhaps we spend our lives avoiding obstacles we have created for ourselves and in reality exist only in our minds. We're afraid to apply for that job, take violin lessons, learn a foreign language, call an old friend, write to our legislator - whatever it is that we would really like to do but don't because of perceived obstacles.

Don't avoid any chairs until you smack into one. and if you do, at least you'll have a place to sit down.
~ Pierce Vincent Eckhart

As I went through this and the other cuttings- I thought- it's never too late to begin. And I started a new scrap book just some time back.

Go for it people. The time is now.

Entropy

I have almost always been admonished for my sudden implulses and my heart-rules-head syndrome. Yes- it pinches me to call it a syndrome but that is what it is termed by all the sane people out there. Since they are in majority and I am in minority- I think it would be politically correct to equate it with an abnormal condition (hence the word syndrome)

I have never really planned for any event in my life. I have lived it as it comes. And yes- I have lived it without any regrets. The road has not always been laid down with roses- there have been a lot of thorns too- but I am truly content that I got to live through all of it- good and bad. I have breezed through some beautiful moments and have survived through some tough ones. And there was one thing which was never missing in any of these moments- that element of surprise- adventure and the most important of all- hope.

Of course- that is solely about me. So a disclaimer is required here which says- I am not denying the effectiveness and advantages of logical reasoning and analytical capabilties. I obviously cannot deny that people who find their place in the majority- "The Thinkers"- are pretty content too! And of course there must be some valid reason why such people are in majority while "The Dreamers" are in minority. The Thinkers are assured about the fact that they have thought of almost everything and have planned for any almost any eventuality. Well- it is not surprising that the word almost appeared twice in that last sentence. Yes- it makes sense to plan, to analyse and to conclude and predict based on statistical information. Millions of lives are saved everyday using such tools and techniques and it would be foolish to give up on them! But the bottomline remains- one simply cannot plan for everything- because the future is a surprise. Period. There is no full proof way to prepare for everything and the sooner one understands that, the less disappointed that person will be. Which reminds me of a nice quote I read the other day:

Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.

It's true- one wants to see the universe and everything that happens as a series of logical events- because it is simple to understand logic- and more importantly because logic would enable one to predict what would happen ahead. And then that element of uncertainty will be gone and one will be more assured. Or at least that is what one thinks would happen.

On the other hand, it is extremely difficult to accept the fact that there are things about this universe which defy logic and reason- which just exist and occur without any visible explanation.

Does that mean that one should stop analysing things completely? No- I don't think so. I guess the way to go about it would be not to analyse all things at the same time- to know that there will always be some things which will not seem to make any sense at the given time in the given circumstances. And to know- that when the time is right- everything will be visible to us... :)

Break free

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.