Responsiblity

Instead of blaming others for disappointments and pain, look into your expectations. The key is not to stop expecting, but to stop expecting from others. Forget about being unfair to them- you are being unfair to yourself when you expect something from someone which that person is unwilling and/or incapable to deliver.

Behind all the heart talk and feelings and emotions, the fact that holds it all together is that no one but you yourself are responsible for your joy and sorrow.

No one- absolutely no one can really make you happy or sad. Only you can.

Mindbend

Some things I learnt from my recent trip to what is referred to by some people as The Land of Dreams:

Dreams do come true
All one needs to do is know that they will. This- by the way- in no big or small way says that I subscribe to the name The Land of Dreams. A place cannot make or break one's dreams- only the person can. That been said- I still staunchly believe in fate.

Well begun is half done- and all is well that ends well
It is important to start well- so that a major ground is covered. But it is equally important not to let some debacle dampen the enthusiasm with which one began the journey.

A Genius is born- not made
I am sure many people would disagree- but I have my own reasons to believe this. One can work hard and become very successful, but there are those people who just have that extra thing- some people call it charisma, others call it the X-factor- and for a lack or a better word- I call it genius.

Perfection v/s Imperfection
Appearances can be deceptive- and at times it becomes extremely important to contemplate up to what extent we base our opinions on first impressions and outward appearances.

People who love you never complain you are far from them
There were some major crises in my family here while I was there- but never for a moment did they complain about me not being there for them. Being so far away from them made me feel even closer to them- because they made me realize that some things are to be felt from the heart and not to be measured by physical or geographical proximity.

It is not fair to raise something which one does not have the courage to express
I realized how much I loathe it when someone takes the help of others to prove a point. And worse- I realized I have unknowingly done the same at times! If I have a point to make- I have to make it myself. Borrowing from a popular Hindi/Marathi saying- it is just not done to "fire a shot keeping the gun on someone else's shoulder". If I don't have the courage to shoot- I won't. Taking the metaphor even further- it is more insulting to person being shot at. I'd rather submit to my incapability to shoot and improve upon it, than making someone else a pawn.

There is a difference between understanding and knowing
They come in the same order that they are mentioned. And while understanding comes pretty soon- knowing takes time- and most of the times- forever. Maybe it is supposed to be that ways.

Honesty is relative
Just like all virtues like truth, happiness, morality, courage and their viced counterparts. I noticed a family arguing with a custom official at the airport about some stuff they were carrying and the whole incident further strengthened belief in the Theory of Relativity.

And at last but not the least- opinions are subject to change
In other words- just like promises- opinions are formed to be changed.

Repression

It was just a day before my 12th std board exams when my father was hospitalized with a critical case of third degree ulcers which were making him vomit blood. He was kept in the ICU. I suddenly realized that I have to take care of my mom and sister- that I might not be the strongest person in the world- but I was the strongest of us three and that it was upto me to be brave and not cry. I did that- I gave my exams detached from what was happening at home- I used to come back everyday after the exam and go directly to the hospital- hoping that today there would be some better news. Finally his condition started improving and relief set in. I was working like a machine all those days when he was critical- I did not pay attention to how much my soul was bleeding- I just knew I could not break down and cry even once- because my mom was hinging on me being brave. I was probably a good daughter at that time.

But that took a toll on me.

Since then, over all these years- in any crisis- I have let my soul bleed and still be brave. Because that is how people require me to be. I have to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good employee, a good human being. I have tried doing all that and tried being brave all the time- facing any crisis thrown my way without any help and without any support. And most people have come to take it for granted- she does not need anyone- she will manage.

And it has started hurting now.

When the soul is wounded and does not find any outlet to express that pain- it turns physical and and the body starts hurting.