Detachment

Ever tried to breathe in and not breathe out? It's impossible to do so for long. I guess it's the same with relationships and affection. You cannot keep it in or with you - you have to let it go. That's the only way you will be able to live. Else you'll just die of suffocation.

So the next time you feel like holding onto something - a place, a feeling, a person, a thing - think about what that kind of self-imposed ownership would do to your soul. It will make it stop breathing. Don't do that to yourself. Let it out. And let it go.

When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
Sufi Epigram

Reclamation

कई सदियों से तुम्हारी
एक आहट का इंतज़ार हैं
शिकायत तुमसे नहीं-
मुझे तो इस दूरी से तकरार हैं

कभी तो यूँ लगता हैं
मानो लम्बी एक दीवार हैं
में यहाँ हूँ-
और मेरी जिन्दगी उस पार हैं...


Cross over to that side - it's never too late.

Alive

As all layers of dust
Started coming off
I knew it to be true
All you need is
A tune to sing along
Whenever you're feeling blue

As fingers danced
Up n' down
On those six strings
I saw how much
Joy and spirit
A single chord brings

Hour after hour
Song after song
Melodies, left and right
Yes, it was miracle
That I saw unfold
In my soul last night..

Set your music free - you never know whom it touches and gives life to..

Dreams Unlimited

"Don't tell me you've stopped dreaming! No. Not YOU!!"

I had one of my friends exclaim this loudly to me the other day.

"Priyanka you're THE eternal dreamer, who can cross oceans for her dreams. You're.. umm.. you're like Geet from the movie Jab We Met. That's what you've always been. A person who would give anything for her dreams. Well... Maybe also a person whose dreams get fulfilled as often as they get broken. But when have broken dreams stopped Priyanka from dreaming again? Nope. They never have and they never will... Right? RIGHT???"

I smiled as my friend threw a worried glance at me. The news of me having my name put up on a local matrimonial service made her spew out all this.

"How the hell do you think you can get into an arranged marriage?? Priyanka - you're NOT arranged marriage material - you have to fall in love and get married.. I cannot believe you're doing this!!"

"Well.. Thousands of people get into arranged marriages every year you know" I made a weak attempt to reason with her.

"Yeah- thousands of people do it. But not you Priyanka. Not YOU!!"

I smiled again. After being put up on the matrimonial circuit for almost a year now, I knew what she was talking about. No, I am not saying it's a bad thing. But has it ever been a great feeling to get judged by complete strangers who come to "see" you? I am not trying to sound like a victim here, because I am sure that the feeling is mutual - I am sure that the guy feels the same way, if not worse. But that's the whole point.

Is there any place for dreams when two people are expected to decide about each other in one meeting which lasts for not more than 2 hours? No. There is no place for dreams in such a setting. It's a totally practical decision, which is made on the basis of caste+kundali+(and other things which fall in this category), education, financial status, social status, looks and so on- not necessarily in that order. There is no place for love either - it's the "pyaar to ho hee jayegaa" syndrome, wherein we are expected to fall in love with each other once we have decided that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

"Priyanka!! Are you listening to me??"

I looked at my friend. She's been married for over four years now - love marriage - and was recently blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I sighed. How do I explain it to her? How do I tell her that my time is running out? That being a girl who's 25 years of age and still unmarried is supposed to be a sin for me and a shame for my parents. Especially since I am a working girl. Had I been studying, it would still have been acceptable. That ways I would have at least had a post graduation degree to show off. I don't have that either. All I have is 4 years of work-ex, which is zero value-addition to my matrimonial resume.

"Nothing.." I said to her.. "I guess I am going down the arranged marriage way after all!" I forced another smile.

"That's totally full of s***" she swore. "Hey!! What about that friend of yours who .."

"So how's your li'l angel doing?" I cut her short. She got the hint and backed off gracefully, and easily got into talking about her new status as a full time mom. I drew in a breath of relief. The discussion was over - at least for now.

As I was coming back home after meeting her, I was thinking to myself - have I stopped dreaming? Have I stopped believing that I will find the kind of love that I am looking for? Haven't I already compromised on my chances of finding it by agreeing to dress up every weekend for bride seekers? Haven't I given up on falling in love my way?

And I was surprised at the answer that I gave to myself, and the surety with which it came to me. Whatever my truth maybe at this moment, it cannot wash out the truth that has been with me all my life. And a quote started ringing in my ears..

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”

Optimystic

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you, and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life, that will eventually begin to fade."
~ Iris, The Holiday

One of the biggest lessons to learn in life, is to be able to differentiate between hope and delusion.

Intensity or Luminosity?

I am amazed at people who can focus on something keeping aside every other worry in the world. It does not matter if their house is on fire or their loved one is on fire or even if their own butt is on fire - they will continue doing what they're doing. It's said that such people are closer to God, because nothing affects their intense concentration.

I guess I disagree with the God part though.. Anything that lacks compassion cannot be close to God. And if that's how purists are, if that's how geniuses are, then I don't wish to be a purist or a genius. I am happy watching such people from a distance and admiring them. And as much as I admire them, I would not want to become one of them. Because I'd rather be poor in concentration and totally unfocused, than not being a part of this world when required the most.

Well to be fair, a burning laser beam has its own utility in demanding conditions. But it's plain light that brightens up a room, or for that matter, a gloom.

Let circumstances be the magnifying glass that converts luminous light into an intense, singular beam. But remember to get that magnifying glass out of the way once the purpose is served, else the beam will burn down everything it falls on. And no light, however intense or luminous it is, can put life into ashes.