Saturday, August 11, 2007

Gender Bender Anger

One of my guy friends was once complaining after an argument with his girl friend- "Women are seriously weird creatures.. They have something in mind- they say something else- and feel something completely different! It is so so difficult to understand what is it that they want!"

Righty! A song from the popular movie Hum Tum starring Saif Ali Khan and Rani Mukherjee puts down similar sentiments:

"Sochtee hain zyaadaa- kam woh samajhtee hain
Dil kuchh kahtaa hain- kuchh aur hee kartee hain..."

At the time, I agreed with him- I have observed many of my friends who are girls behaving like that- and to be fair I am like that quite a few times too. I feel in a particular way- I think about it in a different way and finally I do something completely different!

However, some recent incidents have proven me completely wrong! This "weird" behavioral pattern has nothing to do with gender- because guys are no different! They feel upset about something- they think they are cool and fine about it- but their actions depict something completely different! Confusing..? Let me give you an example:

Scenario 1
This is an extremely common scenario which has been over exposed through tons of email forwards which attempt to explain the idiosyncrasies of female behavior..
Girl is upset.
Guy: "What's wrong?"
Girl: "Nothing."
Guy: "You are obviously upset."
Girl: "Hmm"
Guy: "What is that supposed to mean?! Why do you not tell me why you are upset?"
Girl: "How the hell can you be so blind to my sentiments! After saying (or doing) what you did, you're still asking me why I am upset?! How insensitive!"
Guy is frantically making a wild guess- what all did I say/do... Chances are that he might get it and that's the break through. If he's lucky- his first guess will be right! God bless him.....

Scenario 2
This scenario is not rare but just not over exposed. Check this out..
Guy is upset.
Girl: "Hi!! Hey.. You look kinda stressed out... Are you alright..?"
Guy: "Yes of course! I am fine! What do you think is going to happen to me?!"
Girl: "I don't know.. You just look a little drawn.. and upset.. What's the matter?"
Guy: "I TOLD YOU.. It's nothing...
Girls will remain girls- they have these internal antennae which sense the other person's emotions.. So she cannot stop being a girl and she probes further...
Girl: "Now I know for sure... Something is wrong...? Is it something at work?"
Guy: "Work is fine."
Girl: "Ok.. I guess it must be us then.. What's the matter Guy? Please tell me.."
Guy: "It's nothing. I am going to go and watch the TV for some time. I'll talk to you later".

Ok. Girl thinks- give him his space- he might be getting irritated with so much probing and all. Maybe he will feel a little relaxed after watching TV for sometime. Hmm. That does no good though. Guy is furiously switching channels and cursing everything he sees "How the hell can the team lose the complete series!" or "The govt is useless- look at what they are doing about the country" or "That Ekta Kapoor has no other work to do except spewing out a series of senseless soap operas.."

Girl sighs- she is now getting worried. Guy is obviously upset about something she did- but he would not tell her and he also wants her to do something about it. Finally she goes and switches off the TV.
Girl: "What the HELL is wrong with you"
Guy finally gets angry and shows his true emotion and says out what was bothering him.

All to say- both genders are equally complex. The things which guys find obvious might not be that obvious to girls. And vice versa. It's more to do with individuals than with gender... Some people are extremely fortright and will tell you to your face- "you are an idiot" and there will be other people who will beat around the bush and leave it to you to find out that you are an idiot.

So whether you are the Guy or the Girl- the next time you are angry with the other person- try putting yourself in his/her shoes.. When we are angry- we instinctively want that other person to apologize or to do something which makes us feel better- but let's always remember to be fair enough to keep at least one door open so that the other person gets a chance to make things better :)

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Blogger Debajit said...

"...and there will be other people who will beat around the bush and leave it to you to find out that you are an idiot"

This is so funny :) You should've seen me.. i was literally laughing out loud :D Btw, Pri, how do you know? ;)

the next time you are angry with the other person- try putting yourself in his/her shoes..

Yes, all you guys, wear her dainty shoes... "disfigure" em loose, and she will be really nice to you :)

Ya know, there's something I just never could understand.. why is it always the women complaining about gender equality most of the time?

Tell me this... is there any female equivalent of "chivalry" or any male equivalent of "feminism"? :))

Honestly I think gender differences are a wonderful thing :) I would never advocate gender equality... the other day.. I stumbled upon some female body-builders' pics.. and well... all I'll say is.. as much as I'd support women's emancipation, some stereotypes are better perpetuated :))

2:48 PM  
Blogger Priyanka M said...

Hi Debajit!! Me doing good :) And am glad that you enjoyed the post so much :D

Actually- I did not intend this post to be for complaining about gender inequality- it was more too say- some things aren't about men or women- but just about people. And you are right about gender differences part- it so much better to celebrate these differences instead of trying to wipe them out! :)

2:27 AM  
Blogger Venkatesh said...

Have you been spying on me or what?? :P

10:38 PM  
Blogger Priyanka M said...

Haha!! Venky :) I don't need to spy on you- I know you pretty well :D

Anyways- you take care- and don't get too angry :)

1:39 AM  

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