Colors of me

Moving pictures

2012-01-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

"Questions show the mind's range, and answers, its subtlety" ~ Joseph Joubert

These words came to life for me when I (finally!) watched "Harishchandrachi Factory" yesterday. What a beautifully crafted movie - so moving, and yet absolutely no trace of melodrama. Proof of the fact that one need not have slapstick comedy to induce laughter or shedding glycerine tears to induce empathy or emotion ...

Indeed, the mind is such a wonderful thing.. But what's more wonderful is to see that there are minds that are capable of making a direct connection to others, simply using (as Dadasaheb would have said) "halti chitra" (meaning, moving pictures).. There truly could not have been a better tribute to the great mind who started what later became the largest movie industry in the world !!

Needless to say, the pun "moving" in the title is intended.. :)

Tolerant != Timid

2011-12-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it" ~ Aristotle

It amazes me to find many *uneducated* people around! (Shall I just call them pig-headed, or would that be unfair to pigs?) I can totally understand having strong opinions, but how is that synonymous with believing that any other opinion is crap?!

I love music and arts, but do I think that anyone who is does not have an inclination to these creative expressions is useless or wasting their life? No, I don't. So it puzzles me to no end when people assume that the absence of interest for *their* passion in another person's life makes that person a pathetic, non-motivated soul without purpose.

Oh, and I did follow Aristotle's principle and the entertained the thought of being pig-headed (sorry PETA!), and I chose not accept it. Opinionated? No, because I gave the other thought a chance, but it did not win !!

Flight of Fancy

2011-10-01T22:42:00.001-07:00

Highway in the Sky

The clouds make shapes
In the vast blue sky
A dog there, maybe a boat
... They always seem so high

But today, it is different
As all art falls shy
It is a grand masterpiece -
A highway, in the sky

Colors of twilight's shadows
Vivid, bold, defiant
The sun, melting down
Shining, bright, silent

Over that endless road
My thoughts soar high
They're taking a leap
From the highway in the sky.

Noise Filter

2011-09-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

"Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable"
~ Oscar Wilde

Sometimes, it just takes one small doubt to turn you into an incurable skeptic..

Don't beware of all doubts because doubts help you learn and be sane - just beware of the ones which stop you from unlearning !!!

Point Blank

2011-09-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations"
~ Kahlil Gibran

The next time you doubt a bond because it's too new, or trust another because it's pretty old, think again..

Apart

2011-08-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

"I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those are some of the best times of my life."

I am waiting for all the many more good times to come.. So be it !!

Entangled

2011-05-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

The beautiful piece of poetry below makes me wonder how strange it is that a society that worships Radha-Krishna as gods, and celebrates their togetherness as an epitome of love, does not approve of similar togetherness in mortals. Maybe because they don't trust that the same level of sublimity and dignity will be maintained. Or maybe because they don't want to take the risk of giving mortals the chance to compete with Gods :)

Unlicensed Love

On a summer's day long, long ago
I fell in love and I'll never know
Just what it was that made me feel
So drawn to her, what the appeal
That set my pulses so to race
When e'er I gazed upon that face
Of one who was scarce but a child
Yet even then could drive me wild
I'll never know the how's and why's
I lost my heart to Hazel Eyes
But when I got that long sought kiss
I knew I'd found my Perfect Miss
My elfin girl from down the lane
And I'll never let her go again

For how could I describe our love?
Romantic love, all hearts and flowers
No way to count the days and hours
Spent in self-indulgent wishes
And thoughts of long awaited kisses
Of sweet embraces, tender sighs
And gazing into love filled eyes
Oh yes, it is that kind of love

Or, is it yet the love of passion
The ecstasy that knows no ration
That shuddering nerve-tingling feeling
The climax with your senses reeling
The wondrous joy when you discover
That sweet surrender to your lover
Oh yes, it's that kind of love too.

Or even yet a love that grows
One that cares and one that knows
That sees beyond the outer skin
Into the person deep within
That loves the spirit and the soul
The inner self that makes the whole
Built on trust and empathy
A love you know was meant to be

The love we share is all these things
A love that has no need of rings
A love you never need to doubt
A love I cannot live without
A love to last us all our days
A love I'll share with you always

~ Jim Sharman

I first read this poem five years ago, and at that time, I thought I understood what it was saying. I put it up on my hostel room wall as an inspiration that I woke up to everyday. Then one day, it stopped making any sense, and I took it down. A few days back, it came back to me as suddenly as it went away.

I don't think it's going down now. Because this time around, it has come up on its own. Yes, it will stay.

Adios ...

2011-02-25T10:39:00.000-08:00

We'll miss you Nawab - we'll miss your "sastape" and PJs.. But as they say - "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."

So here's raising a toast to all the time that we spent with you, and to all the time that is yet to come!!

Cheers!!

Crossover

2011-02-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

Discovered this beautiful song while watching Breakfast at Tiffany's sometime back. And it was one of those weirdly wonderful moments when you hear something which resonates with your state of mind perfectly..

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
Wherever you're going I'm going your way.

Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.

We're after the same rainbow's end--
Waiting 'round the bend,
My huckleberry friend,

Moon River ... and me.

Resonance happens when frequencies match and only the two objects resonating know of it - my soul, and this song..

Color me red

2011-02-13T06:09:00.000-08:00

... Because you make me feel like a queen

Knowing that I am no more than a normal person

... Because your love is unconditional

In every sense of the word

... Because no amount of "I love you"s can justify

What I feel each time I am with you

... And if I still believe in dreams,

It's only because you are a dream
That came true

~ !!! Anonymous !!! ~

Deafening

2011-02-10T01:11:00.001-08:00

"You hesitate to stab me with a word, but know not - silence is the sharper sword."
~Samuel Johnson

Killswitch

2011-02-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

This person once said to me -

We need to be able to switch

In and out

Of our emotions, and thoughts

Like one would switch TV channels.

I remember, I had laughed

I am not laughing today -

I am searching for that switch.

An Unobstrusive Resolve

2010-06-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today I celebrated Vat Savitri - a fast for something that I pray for every night anyways. Vat Savitri is an equivalent of Karwachauth - different name, same game. It's a fast praying to the Gods, asking them to bless my husband with a long, healthy and happy life.

Today I realized something that I have always suspected to be true, but did not want to say out before I could experience it myself. Today I know that this day goes way beyond the candy-floss and loud Karwachauth that Hindi movies have made it out to be. This day is not about showing off the power of marriage. Quite the contrary - it's about celebrating the subtlety of this bond. It's about letting the understated remain as is, without hanging it up in a showcase garishly decorated with ek-chutki-sindoor, heavy sarees, not to mention the much-hyped wait for chaand, and the exorbitantly expensive gifts that eventually follow.

Everyone who knows me knows how flamboyant I am. I'm very romantic, I love dressing up and all the works. So I'm sure there'll be people who read this and take the chance to stand up and shout "You hypocrite!!". Well, point taken. But there are some things which I do not like flaunting - my marriage and my quiet romance with my husband is one of them.

On this day, I pray to the Gods that I always have the strength to fill my husband's long life with the subtlety he so loves.

Amen ...

Memory Mist

2010-06-18T02:18:00.000-07:00

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore

It's amazing how rains can make the most mundane moments so beautiful ..

Prism

2010-06-14T02:03:00.000-07:00

Raat bhar main bas
Ek hi khwaab dekhtee raheen
Aadhee jaagee aadhee soyee ...
Meree aankhon mein ab bhee
Kuchh rang reh gaye hain
Us odhnee ke
Tumne wo rang dekhe kyaa..?

Haan - dekhaa maine unhein
Unhee rangon mein to saare rang hain..

If black is desire and red is passion, then white is ecstasy ...

Selfish

2010-06-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.

- Oscar Wilde

Let go...

Completely Magical

2010-05-03T02:29:00.000-07:00

A splash of red
On the blue sky
Gray water beneath
Passing them by

Two souls meet, and
Set themselves free
Like two tiny waves
Blending in the sea

They stand there
In bold defiance
With no fear
Just content silence

The time then comes
For the trail to stop
The moon goes down
As the sun comes up

...

So many visions
In moments few
An incomplete dream
And yet.. so true

Some things are beautiful because they are incomplete..

Affinity

2010-04-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

कुछ ऐसी एहतियात से निकला हैं चाँद फिर

जैसे अँधेरी रात में खिड़की पे आऊं तुम

क्या चाँद ऑर ज़मी में भी कोई खिचांव हैं?

~ गुलज़ार, रात पश्मीने की

The moon is looking exceptionally beautiful tonight..

Scar

2010-04-01T03:57:00.000-07:00

"Yes.. We're just around the corner.. No no, don't take the bus - we'll be there in 2 min.. Please stop crying .. We're coming right away.."

We spotted her standing at the opposite end of the road. It was dark and I could not see her face, but her stride reflected her agony. She crossed over to our side and got into the car. We sat in silence for sometime before Kunal asked her -
"What happened.. ? You guys had a fight or something..?"

She started unfolding the story. Knowing the couple pretty well, we had already guessed some of the story while going to pick her up and most of our guesses were true. Except one small detail that came in between sobs -
".. so he slapped me across the face"

I did not want to believe that I heard that right. I shuddered inside - and my hands started shivering.. I don't know whether it was anger or shock or disgust.

"Slapped??? He hit you?!"

I looked back at her and the red swelling at the corner of her left eye suddenly became prominently visible inside the dim light of the car.

She touched the wound - " It's the ring - his ring cut me near the eye.."

I swallowed the lump in my throat - "How did he.. I.. I can't believe he hit you.. He knows you're expecting.. and... "

She cut me short - "Yeah well.. It hasn't happened for the first time. I've been slapped in public once - out on the road. At least this time it was within closed doors - maybe that's the discount this time because I am pregnant now.."

I did not know what to say. We happen to be very close to this couple and hearing her say all this was shocking. We took her to our place and tried to cheer her up a bit. Her husband came over to our place looking for her later that night. We left them alone so that they could talk it out and they both left together some time later. I will never forget the look on her face as she left that night - her eyes seemed to say.. "This is not the last time ..."

All these days when I used to hear about domestic violence, I automatically associated it with illiterate people living in dire financial conditions. It was something I associated with house maids, construction workers and the like. Never with normal people like us. And here I was, trying to console a woman as literate as me, who was hit not once but multiple times, by her well-educated husband.

I am no one to judge the reasons behind their fight. I don't know who was right and who was wrong. But nothing justifies a physical assault. Nothing.

I have no clue if they will find a solution and resolve everything the right way. All I hope is that there is no "next time".

Alone With You

2009-11-27T05:42:00.000-08:00

How can I walk down this road alone?
With each step I think of you,
waiting for me at its end.
My thoughts reach the heavens and color them red.
My heart beats red as I walk this path.
But with you waiting, the way is fragrant.
I am not alone.
As I rush to your embrace,
the ruby sky follows close behind.
~ Kim Do-eon

I am waiting...

Ever After

2009-09-29T03:18:00.000-07:00

My very close friend Venky got married to his sweetheart a few days back in the most filmy style possible - the bhaag-kar-shaadi style! Not that they did not try the "correct" way, but when things didn't move even after trying for almost 5 years, I think it was fair enough to resort to some drama. When he was telling me all about it, he said something which rang a bell immediately..

".. It's true.. When your heart truly desires something, the whole world conspires so that you get it.. Sach hain yaar.. Sach hain.. "

When a perfectly practical and head-rules-heart person like Venky says this, you know that there are some things which logic should not bother to explain. More importantly, there are some things which have their flavor simply because they are not explained.

Venky always cheered me for believing in the existence of such magical moments. But I think he would agree that he had his doubts about the amount of "truth" in my collective beliefs. In times which were particularly challenging for me, he kept boosting my morale saying that ".. Arre don't give up, I keep your example in front of me and the fact that you believe in love even after experiencing what you have, my situation is much better and I can make it for sure.. ". As he said that, I always felt that, at some level, he must be thinking I am an emotional fool for still believing that I will find what most people call as "true love".

And now that he has experienced a bout of that magic in his own life, his strengthened belief makes me feel vindicated.. :) Today my belief feels more stronger than when I actually experienced it, because today it has inspired someone else to believe.

This is for you Venky and Nishi.. May the magic always dwell in your lives.. Amen! :)

Floating Dreams

2009-09-07T12:03:00.000-07:00

There's nothing more rejuvenating than the constant reassurance of having made the right decision.

Eyes Wide Shut

2009-08-02T01:05:00.000-07:00

I watched Love Aaj Kal last night - Saif plays Jai and Deepika plays Meera in the movie.

The movie is no where near being extraordinary, quite the contrary actually. But there's one particular scene in the movie which was rivetting - Meera's getting married and wants to talk to Jai before she takes the plunge. You take one look at Jai's flurry of irrelevant words and Meera's pained and confused silence, and you know why Imtiaz Ali is a genius.

I'll probably not want to watch the movie a second time. But I don't think I will forget the marriage scene for a long long time.

A famous quote says that it's not hate that hurts love, it's indifference. Love Aaj Kal, however, brought to light a bigger enemy of love: the denial of its existence.

Let the show BEGIN!

2009-07-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

Well.

I did not enter the Voice of Persistent singing contest to lose, so to say. Like all the other participants, I too harbored the not-so-secret ambition of being in the top three, and coming home with a trophy. I knew what a tough fight it would be and given the musically accomplished folks who were going to be singing in the competition. I realized, right at the start, that it would be a great honor just to reach the final five!

And that I did. As my name was announced in the final five list, I was not thinking about the trophy anymore. All I was thinking of was - "Yesssssssss!!! I *will* get to perform the last and final song that I had prepared for!!!".. The final moment came and I performed. Then the super-final moment came and the results were announced.

And then, anti climax.

My name wasn't there in the top three list. I put on a brave face and applauded the winners. Okay, let me be honest and say that I truly was very happy for each one of them, for they totally deserved to be holding those trophies in their hands. But hey! I am human too and for that split second, I felt upset that my hands were too small for that trophy and my voice too weak to reach it..

Kunal was on the stage with me in that very split second. I was looking at him, trying to fight back tears which were threatening to swell in my eyes - ".. so I was hoping I would be third in rank at least.." and he was saying ".. arre yaar.. We knew it from the beginning right? That there would be a very tough chance.. We just wanted to give it our BEST.. And God knows you did that.. Sumi I am proud of you.. The way you sang today, I fell in love with you all over again.. Sach.."

I smiled at his happy face and thought, yes, I did not let him, my best friend, my life partner and my Guru, down. And that's a big prize in itself. I started going backstage to get my bag and other stuff.

That's when it all started.

"Congratulations Priyanka!! That was a MIND BLOWING peformance.."

"Priyanka.. You were the best! I LOVED your songs.. "

".. Kyaa performance thaa yaar.. Mazaa aa gayaaa"

".. and the way you guys sang the duet, you were tempting photographers to click your pics.. Arre yaar tumhaarein photo lete lete memory khatam ho gayi camera ki!!"

".. My god woman! You had the nerve to sing THAT song on THIS stage!! I have forgotten how that song originally sounded after hearing your rendition of it.. You ROCK!!"

I was swarmed by people from all sides!! I knew my team mates would stand by me and that the results would not matter to them.. But I had certainly not expected this level of adulation!! People from all over the auditorium were coming and congratulating me for my performance. People I knew and people I had never ever seen before - all of 'em were shaking my hand and lauding me. There were kids who were waiting to come and shake hands with me and wish me luck!!

Finally the audience started to disperse, but the icing on the cake was yet to come. A very senior and special person came and talked to me after that. This gentleman defies his age in his enthusiasm and quick wit, and especially his memory. He still remembers one of my stage performances, which took place five years back - he still addresses me as "Sonia Gandhi", after the character that I played in that play. He is one of the most revered folks in the company, and he walked up to me and said - "My vote went to you dear! You truly were the best"..

Finally, I was able to go and meet my family and my Mom's joyous face with tiny tears in her eyes said it all - I had already won my prize in the pride that she felt for me!! My sister, who's one of my biggest critics, said it too "I never knew you could sing like THAT!! WOW!"..

When I went to sleep that night, I said to myself - "This was one of the best days of my life.."

I was wrong.

There was a parcel waiting for me in office the next day - it had a rose pinned onto an envelope carrying a beautiful, handwritten letter. It came from one of the prize winning participant's father who deeply appreciated my songs. That letter is now a part of my most treasured things. Sir - if you are reading this - I do not have words to tell you how special that letter will always be to me and saying "thanks" seems too tiny a response to your thoughtful and soulful words..

I always thought I knew what it is like to be rewarded and awarded. But what I was experienced on the evening of the show and the day after, was something totally different. And without a single doubt, it was much more special and personal. The pride and love in Kunal's eyes and on my family's faces, the letter, the overwhelming response I got from everyone in the auditorium - these are all my special prizes, and they are priceless. The first line of that invaluable letter said it right..

"You stole the show, though not the trophy.."

Communication and Paranthas!

2009-05-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

" ... which is okay, but what about the Mangalashtaka vidhi? We have to do that first.. "

"... Pradnya - where's the newspaper?.. wait wait I got it"

"... because if we begin at 8 in the morning, we will get only 2 hours before we can .."

"... hey how do you switch on the TV? "

"... do it in the middle hours, and they will get time for make up and all .. "

"... no no.. put on cartoon network naah... "

"... Karishma get one more chair for Kaku..."

"... yes yes.. what will you have? Kokum sharbat? Ok ok.. Priya? Beta, give her some sharbat.. Priya??? Ayyeee Priyaaaaaaaaa?????"

I snap out of the surreal state that I have been in ever since all these voices started flooded my living room today mornin. I mechanically walk to the kitchen to prepare some Kokum sharbat for someone - I am not yet sure who. I am just in awe of the many people who have gathered in my living room and are trying to finalize the proceedings of one of the most important days of my life. Yup - it's my marriage day that they are all discussing about, which is 6 months from now, but looking at the activity around me, it seems as if I am going to be sent packing from my house tomorrow itself!

As expected, it is a completely chaotic family meeting. All these people are talking in groups of two or three, each group having a completely different discussion. And I am wondering to myself- how the hell are these people ever going to reach ANY conclusion like this?!

"Priya? Get some water for Kaka.."

I get back to work. I'm thinking about me and Kunal and how things have been going between our families. Simple is the right word to describe the way things have gone between the two families. We were expecting some opposition and fireworks, but given the kind of intense fireworks both me and Kunal have had to face in our lives till now, I think God decided to give us a welcome break in this regard :)

Simple. At least till now.

I can sense some tension in the air today. There are some obvious differences in some pooja vidhis. But what is amazing is the dignity with which these differences are being handled and the way everyone is striving to reach some middle ground. I see that the chaotic discussion has reached a final conclusion in less than an hour, and all the management principles and communication rules that are taught in high profile institutes, suddenly seem so mundane and small. I mean - I look at these people sitting in front of me, deciding some important details in between laughter, tea and paranthas and yet excelling at what they are doing!

These folks are not MBAs or PHDs. These people have not taken any special classes in communication. These are simple people who want everyone to have their say and realize and accept the fact that each of them will need to adjust a bit. Which is why it's not surprising that they have managed to clear out all chaos and decide exactly what's to be done, without any hint of malice or hurt.

All this while, when I used to hear professionally experienced and highly educated people talk about "unique challenges in communication", I thought it truly must be a big deal. But today I saw our folks in action and saw these simple people come up with one solution after the other. That, my dear friends, was effortless communication. And no institute in this world can "teach" that.

I suppose some of my MBA friends, especially the ones who think that communication is a "big deal" and preach others, can get some tips in communication from our folks! Don't worry guys - you won't have to pay for it! In fact you will get paranthas when you come over.. :)

ये जो सिली सिली औंदी हैं हवा.. तेरी याद संग लांदी हैं हवा ....

2009-05-02T04:00:00.000-07:00

"अच्छा Priyanka, एक बात बताओ.. अगर किसी के birthday के दिन holiday हो, तो chocolate कब लानी होती हैं?"

"उसके दूसरे दिन.."

"ऑर अगर उसके दूसरे दिन भी छुट्टी हो तो?"

"तो फिर उसके पिछले दिन"

"तेरी तो ... मैं तो आज chocolate लाया ही नहीं!! "

"तेरा birthday हैं?? कब हैं??"

"कल.. चलों कोई नहीं.. Monday को आ जायेंगे.. "

Monday आ गया हैं Sumit... अपना वादा पूरा कारों. हमारे लिए chocolates लेकर आओं... Sumit...? Sumit?? कहाँ हो तुम?? Cubicle में क्यों नहीं हो? कहाँ हो यार??

अरे यार देखो अब नाटक मत कारों.. कितने सारे काम पड़े हैं!! वोह Axis २ का कोड merge करना हैं - तुम्हें बोला था मैंने उस branch में मत checkin करना- पर बात तो माननी हैं नहीं तुमने!! Selenium के testcases review करवाने हैं तुमसे.. और वो तुमने Sonali के setup का organization delete कर दिया फिर से - डंडे पड़ने वाले हैं तुम्हें अब बस!! इतने दिनों पहले तुम्हें parties की list दी थी manage करने के लिए- वोह भी अधूरी पड़ी हैं!! डांट खाओं बस अब सबकी!!!

अरे!!! जवाब क्यों नहीं देते? कहाँ छुप गए हो?

Kunal कब से call कर रहां हैं तुम्हें - नीचे बुला रहां हैं.. तुम phone क्यों नहीं उठा रहे हो यार?? Eventwadi के coordinators next event की meeting के लिए कब से तुम्हें बुला रहे हैं.. आख़िर तुम उनके best volunteers में से एक हो!!

कहाँ चलें गए हो यार?? देखो.. अब बहुत तंग कर लिया हमें.. अच्छा chocolates को छोडो.. सब काम छोडो.. सिर्फ़ तुम आ जाओं.. अब आ जाओं बस..

तुम्हारें बिना मन नहीं लग रहां हैं.. हम सब तुम्हें miss कर रहे हैं.. "अच्छा एक बात बताओ" सुनने के लिए कान तरस गए हैं.. तुम्हें ढेर सारे सवाल लेकर Cubicle में आता हुआ देखना चाहते हैं हम.. तुम्हारी total Punjabi accent वाली बातें सुनना चाहते हैं हम.. "भूख लगी हैं.. कुछ खाने के लिए हैं क्या" कहने वाला कोई नहीं हैं अब. देखो तो.. Sonali तुम्हारें लिए डब्बा भर कर पराँठे लायी हैं तुम्हारें favorite वाले.. Niraj के डब्बे में नमकीन भी हैं.. आओं तो..

तुम हमसे रूठ तो नहीं गए हो किसी बात से?? तुमने उस दिन कहा था ना के घर जाना हैं और छुट्टी चाहिए तुम्हें? तुमने कहा था के "अगर इस बार छुट्टी नहीं दी तो मैंने नहीं आना वापस".. तुम्हें जितनी चाहिए उतनी छुट्टी दिलवा देंगे यार.. तुम बस वापस आ जाओं please..

please Sumit.. please वापस आ जाओं.. तुमने मुझे वादा किया था ना Sumit - के मेरी शादी की चूडियाँ तुम अमृतसर से लाओगे मेरे लिए.. तुम अपना वादा ऐसे नहीं तोड़ सकते.. तुम्हें वापस आना ही होगा.. हम सब के लिए.. क्यों तुम्हारें बिना ज़िन्दगी बेरंग हो गई हैं.. सब कुछ रुखा हो गया हैं..

जानती हूँ तुम इस वक्त मुस्कुरा कर कह रहे हो.. "ओये कोई नहीं - मैंने कभी दूर नहीं जाना - वहीं पर हूँ मैं.." जानती हूँ के तुम्हारी जिंदादिली तुम्हें कभी हमसे दूर नहीं होने देगी.. और तुम अगर चाहो भी तो हमसे दूर नहीं जा पाओगे.. क्योंकि तुम्हारें साथ बिताया हुआ हर एक पल इतना यादगार हैं के भूल पाना किसी के बस की बात नहीं.. तुम हमेशा हमारे दिलों में रहोगे .. जानती हूँ के जब भी हम तुम्हें याद करेंगे, तुम्हें हमारे पास ही पायेंगे.. सच

Sumit died in a freak road accident on 1st May 2009, his 23rd birthday. I have not known him for more than 8 months, and yet, he was and will remain one of my closest friends. Not only was he a beloved friend, he was one of the nicest human beings I have ever met. I never saw him frown even once in all of the 8 months I have known him. My ever smiling kiddo was the sharpest of the lot.

This is for you Sumit. We all will miss you, we have been crying like babies for the last two days you know, and while the tears have still not stopped, we know you would never want to see us crying.. We will always cherish the time that you spent with us.. And if we have been able to muster up the courage to smile today, it is just because of you.

Sumit Kumar Choudhary
1st May 1986 - 1st May 2009

Mohe rang de..

2009-03-10T22:36:00.000-07:00

कुछ ऐसी किरणे लेकर
तुम हो आये
काले बादल भी
तुम्हारी रौशनी में
ढल कर
सुनहरे हो जाते हैं

कुछ ऐसा स्पर्श लेकर
तुम हो आये
उड़ती हुई धूल भी
तुम्हारें हाथों से
गुज़र कर
गुलाल हो जाती हैं

कुछ ऐसी ध्वनि लेकर
तुम हो आये
मेरी हलकी सी खामोशी भी
तुम्हारें सुरों में
मिल कर
गीत हो जाती हैं

सच..

कुछ ऐसे रंग लेकर
तुम आये हो
मेरा सारे रंग
तुम्हारे दिल में
सज कर
तस्वीर बन जाते हैं

Holi.. A celebration of spring. A celebration of love.

Homecoming

2008-12-07T03:24:00.000-08:00

I can hear the question that most people reading my blog have: Where have I been? Why have there been no blog posts since the last five months or so!

The answer is short. Instead of experiencing life by writing about it, I've been experiencing it by living it!

And I've realized that it's stupid to act as if something that you truly want is not important. Especially when you're assuming it to be insignificant based on what someone else wants you to believe.

For instance, more than one person has said this to me, that having a person you love be with you, does not mean everything (if anything at all) in life. And as I realize now, not surprisingly, these people were the ones who refused to stand by me. Convenient ehh? :)

Today I would like to take this opportunity to inform all those losers, that it's a wonderful feeling to have a special someone stand by me! And in fact, I must thank them all for not standing by me or in my way, else I would have missed out on the real bliss that I have now found.

It's very easy to talk about faith - it's very difficult to keep it. And as I taste the wondrous essence of love now, I remember a poem titled "One of these days" that I had written a long long time back. It ended with something like:

On the shore- gazing at the the ocean- day and night I sit...
The wait is long and painful- but every bit worth it.
Over and over I hear it- as the wave solemnly says-
"You will be the ocean I return to- one of these days"

The day is here.

Detachment

2008-07-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

Ever tried to breathe in and not breathe out? It's impossible to do so for long. I guess it's the same with relationships and affection. You cannot keep it in or with you - you have to let it go. That's the only way you will be able to live. Else you'll just die of suffocation.

So the next time you feel like holding onto something - a place, a feeling, a person, a thing - think about what that kind of self-imposed ownership would do to your soul. It will make it stop breathing. Don't do that to yourself. Let it out. And let it go.

When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
Sufi Epigram

Reclamation

2008-07-20T03:07:00.000-07:00

कई सदियों से तुम्हारी
एक आहट का इंतज़ार हैं
शिकायत तुमसे नहीं-
मुझे तो इस दूरी से तकरार हैं

कभी तो यूँ लगता हैं
मानो लम्बी एक दीवार हैं
में यहाँ हूँ-
और मेरी जिन्दगी उस पार हैं...

Cross over to that side - it's never too late.

Alive

2008-07-19T05:11:00.000-07:00

As all layers of dust
Started coming off
I knew it to be true
All you need is
A tune to sing along
Whenever you're feeling blue

As fingers danced
Up n' down
On those six strings
I saw how much
Joy and spirit
A single chord brings

Hour after hour
Song after song
Melodies, left and right
Yes, it was miracle
That I saw unfold
In my soul last night..

Set your music free - you never know whom it touches and gives life to..

Dreams Unlimited

2008-07-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

"Don't tell me you've stopped dreaming! No. Not YOU!!"

I had one of my friends exclaim this loudly to me the other day.

"Priyanka you're THE eternal dreamer, who can cross oceans for her dreams. You're.. umm.. you're like Geet from the movie Jab We Met. That's what you've always been. A person who would give anything for her dreams. Well... Maybe also a person whose dreams get fulfilled as often as they get broken. But when have broken dreams stopped Priyanka from dreaming again? Nope. They never have and they never will... Right? RIGHT???"

I smiled as my friend threw a worried glance at me. The news of me having my name put up on a local matrimonial service made her spew out all this.

"How the hell do you think you can get into an arranged marriage?? Priyanka - you're NOT arranged marriage material - you have to fall in love and get married.. I cannot believe you're doing this!!"

"Well.. Thousands of people get into arranged marriages every year you know" I made a weak attempt to reason with her.

"Yeah- thousands of people do it. But not you Priyanka. Not YOU!!"

I smiled again. After being put up on the matrimonial circuit for almost a year now, I knew what she was talking about. No, I am not saying it's a bad thing. But has it ever been a great feeling to get judged by complete strangers who come to "see" you? I am not trying to sound like a victim here, because I am sure that the feeling is mutual - I am sure that the guy feels the same way, if not worse. But that's the whole point.

Is there any place for dreams when two people are expected to decide about each other in one meeting which lasts for not more than 2 hours? No. There is no place for dreams in such a setting. It's a totally practical decision, which is made on the basis of caste+kundali+(and other things which fall in this category), education, financial status, social status, looks and so on- not necessarily in that order. There is no place for love either - it's the "pyaar to ho hee jayegaa" syndrome, wherein we are expected to fall in love with each other once we have decided that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

"Priyanka!! Are you listening to me??"

I looked at my friend. She's been married for over four years now - love marriage - and was recently blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I sighed. How do I explain it to her? How do I tell her that my time is running out? That being a girl who's 25 years of age and still unmarried is supposed to be a sin for me and a shame for my parents. Especially since I am a working girl. Had I been studying, it would still have been acceptable. That ways I would have at least had a post graduation degree to show off. I don't have that either. All I have is 4 years of work-ex, which is zero value-addition to my matrimonial resume.

"Nothing.." I said to her.. "I guess I am going down the arranged marriage way after all!" I forced another smile.

"That's totally full of s***" she swore. "Hey!! What about that friend of yours who .."

"So how's your li'l angel doing?" I cut her short. She got the hint and backed off gracefully, and easily got into talking about her new status as a full time mom. I drew in a breath of relief. The discussion was over - at least for now.

As I was coming back home after meeting her, I was thinking to myself - have I stopped dreaming? Have I stopped believing that I will find the kind of love that I am looking for? Haven't I already compromised on my chances of finding it by agreeing to dress up every weekend for bride seekers? Haven't I given up on falling in love my way?

And I was surprised at the answer that I gave to myself, and the surety with which it came to me. Whatever my truth maybe at this moment, it cannot wash out the truth that has been with me all my life. And a quote started ringing in my ears..

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”

Optimystic

2008-07-12T00:13:00.000-07:00

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you, and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life, that will eventually begin to fade."
~ Iris, The Holiday

One of the biggest lessons to learn in life, is to be able to differentiate between hope and delusion.

Intensity or Luminosity?

2008-07-05T04:21:00.000-07:00

I am amazed at people who can focus on something keeping aside every other worry in the world. It does not matter if their house is on fire or their loved one is on fire or even if their own butt is on fire - they will continue doing what they're doing. It's said that such people are closer to God, because nothing affects their intense concentration.

I guess I disagree with the God part though.. Anything that lacks compassion cannot be close to God. And if that's how purists are, if that's how geniuses are, then I don't wish to be a purist or a genius. I am happy watching such people from a distance and admiring them. And as much as I admire them, I would not want to become one of them. Because I'd rather be poor in concentration and totally unfocused, than not being a part of this world when required the most.

Well to be fair, a burning laser beam has its own utility in demanding conditions. But it's plain light that brightens up a room, or for that matter, a gloom.

Let circumstances be the magnifying glass that converts luminous light into an intense, singular beam. But remember to get that magnifying glass out of the way once the purpose is served, else the beam will burn down everything it falls on. And no light, however intense or luminous it is, can put life into ashes.

Fraternal Twins

2008-06-21T23:11:00.000-07:00

Your fears and dreams reside in the same place.

Solitary Confinement

2008-06-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

I was talking to one of my single friends last evening, and he seemed extremely morose. The reason? His long standing tradition of going out with his friends every Saturday was broken the first time in 5 years. The reason? Well.. All his friends are now either married or engaged - and prefer spending their weekends with their special someones.. Their group had started with around 12 people.. And over the years, the number dwindled exponentially - till this guy was the only one remaining.

The void that's left behind by friends getting hooked up with their special someones is disturbing - as was quite apparent from the way my friend was sulking. And this ordeal is especially painful for people who're staying alone and away from their immediate family. "Love is always overrated" my friend went on.. Yes - there are other important things in this world - great work, good money, a loving and understanding family.. Then why is it so that he's so upset?

I guess it's because a good bank balance or even parents and siblings cannot always give you the kind of company that you wish to have when you want to watch a movie, or cook, or go shopping for a new gadget, or just plain have someone with you as you watch some stupid program on the idiot box. It's basically to cure an ailment called loneliness.

Reminds me of this quote that I read sometime back:

"I've got everything I need except a man. And I'm not one of those women who thinks a man is the answer to everything, but I'm tired of being alone."

Deserted Wishes

2008-06-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

"If you do not have the courage to pursue your own dreams to completion - then you have no right to blame someone else's failure or unwillingness to fulfill those dreams. The moment you abandon a dream - you have already destroyed it. So either have the courage to follow your dream to fulfillment, or have the courage to accept its destruction. Please don't hang around somewhere midway trying to find a scapegoat on whom you can pin your lack of courage."

These words screamed aloud inside me as I heard someone make a careless comment blaming another person for a dream gone awry. I did not say anything - I had no right to say anything to the person who was saying them. I pushed back these words from the tip of my tongue - something which I do not do very often. There was certainly an exception to be made in this case. I listened silently.

I wonder if I can ever be capable of thinking that way- to hold someone else responsible for anything that goes wrong - to blame my inabilities on other people and live happily ever after...

The dream is dead. Long live the dream!!

Varied Definitions

2008-05-24T22:05:00.000-07:00

कोई ये कैसे बतायें के वो तन्हा क्यों हैं
वो जो अपना था वोही ऑर किसी का क्यों हैं
यही दुनिया हैं तो फिर ऐसी ये दुनिया क्यों हैं
यही होता हैं तो फिर आख़िर यही होता क्यों हैं

एक ज़रा हाथ बढ़ा दे तो पकडले दामन
उसके सीने में समा जाएँ हमारी धड़कन
इतनी कुरबत हैं तो फिर फासला इतना क्यों हैं

दिल-ऐ-बरबाद से निकला नहीं अब तक कोई
एक लुटे घर पे दिया करता हैं दस्तक कोई
आंस जो टूट गयी फिर से बंधाता क्यों हैं

तुम मसर्रत का कहो या इसे गम का रिश्ता
कहते हैं प्यार का रिश्ता हैं जनम का रिश्ता
है जनम का जो ये रिश्ता तो बदलता क्यों हैं?
~ कैफी आजमी

If I remember correctly, I first listened to this song when I was 10 years old or so. My Mom loved all Jagjit Singh ghazals and she had the audio cassette having all songs from the movie Arth. I did not understand much of it when I heard it at the time. I kept asking my Mom what it meant - "what does tanhaa mean??" And she had told me - "Don't be so impatient dear, you will know when you will know. Right now, you can just feel good about the fact that you don't know what it means" I did not realize till much later how much she had said in those few words.

Over the years, I have listened to this song many many more times - each time with it assuming radically different meanings for me, and yet remaining as relevant as ever. Sometimes I related to the song as I struggled with sharing the time of a loved one with other things and people. At other times, the song gave voice to my confusion as affection replaced time in the last sentence. And there were other times when it was much more than time and affection - probably something which I am not equipped to capture in words.

But through all these years, I still haven't been able to understand or justify the last line of the song, which asks the soulful question about a relationship changing over time.

Isn't change a way of life? At the cost of sounding completely inexperienced and very naive too- isn't it so that a relationship remains sanct only if there are not restrictions of how it should be? Is it not a living thing which should be allowed to grow as it pleases? Would it not lose it's vitality if it's boxed into a particular shape or size or color, or, for that matter, a legal representation laid down by society?

Like every one else, I have struggled with the changing nature of relationships - with my parents, with my siblings, with my colleagues and friends. And every time, after the initial "why does it have to be this way" rant, I came around to accept the fact that it's the only way it can be.

And more importantly - I know one thing to be true always, irrespective of the nature of the relationship and the people involved in it: it cannot survive if it's not allowed to take its own course. It cannot survive if it's relegated to what its socially acceptable name "requires" it to do.

हमने देखी हैं उन आंखों की महकती खुशबू
हाथ से छुके उसे रिश्तों का इल्जाम ना दो
सिर्फ़ एहसास हैं ये रूह से ही महसूस करों
प्यार को प्यार ही रहने दो कोई नाम ना दो
~ गुलज़ार

Don't try and define a relationship - let the relationship define you...

Revival

2008-05-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

I know there's something

Special in this world

When I see

Flowers blooming by the road side

Even as smoke

Threatens to suffocate them

I know there's something
Special in this world
When I see
The sun shining every morning
Even as twilight
Threatens to drown it at dusk

I know there's something
Special in this world
When I see
The wind flowing effortlessly
Even as skyscrapers
Threaten to obstruct it

I know there's something-
Something very special
In this big wide world
When I see
Hope
Conquer everything
That comes in its way

...
Believe.

Dichotomy

2008-04-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

I know there's something
Wrong with the world
When I see
Weaklings hiding in the filth
While courage gets
Massacred on the streets

I know there's something
Wrong with the world
When I see
Lust slipping through unnoticed
While passion gets
Labeled as evil

I know there's something
Wrong with the world
When I see
Morality being condoned
While love gets
Suffocated into anonymity

Which way is the highway?

2008-04-05T12:15:00.001-07:00

"Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show."

I was talking to a friend today and as I gave him the latest updates of what's up with me, he started looking for a word to describe the pace of my life. And we both finally decided on happening.

So how do we define happening? Does a person who goes out partying every night have a happening life? Or is it happening only if the person goes out partying every night with a different set of friends? :)

I believe happening is when there is no certainty in one's life. And the absence of certainty makes everything completely unpredictable and hence makes every thing seem like a new twist and an unexpected turn..

As we went to talk about other things, I wondered whether I am really enjoying my happening life. "Of course I am.." I said to myself ".. but one cannot have popcorn for dinner all life.."

Spring Blossom

2008-04-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world.
~ Rakh Waldo Emerson

Rain Kissed

2008-04-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

जिनको जिनको भी मिलना हैं लिखा
इश्क मिलवाएगादूर दूर से ढूंढ ढूंढ केपास ले आयेगाकहीं भी जा के छुपोइश्क वहीं आयेगाकितना भी ना ना करोंउठा के ले जायेगामानो या ना मानोये सारी ही दुनियाइश्क के दम पे चलें.....
जी ले, जी ले, जी ले इश्क मेमरना हैं तो आ मर भी ले इश्क में
जाते जाते हम इन पलों को भीसाथ ले जायेंगेबातों बातों में जो बनी हैं वोबात ले जायेंगेज़रा भुलक्कड़ हैं दिल, ये भूल जाएँ अगरयाद दिलाना हमें ये पानियों का शहरये पल कम ना हो, कभी खत्म ना होवक्त कहीं भी चलें......
जब साहिल पे हम पहुचेंगेतो किधर जायेंगेअपने अपने घर जायेंगेना अपने अपने घर जायेंगेइसी सफर में से ही नया सफर लेंगे हमजहाँ भी बोलोगे तुम वहीं उतर लेंगे हमगाली भी दोगे तो गली ना छोडेंगेऐसे पड़ेंगे गले.....
जी ले, जी ले, जी ले इश्क मेंमरना हो तो आ मर भी ले इश्क में

I heard this song on the radio today morning, and it has been haunting me ever since. There is something that it speaks of which goes deeper than its lyrics.. It was as if I was getting drenched in rain, and this song wrapped like a silken robe around me... Words won't do justice- you have to listen to the song to experience its singularity.

Ballad

2008-03-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

आंखों में इतनी नींद हैं, के क्या बताऊँ
पर ये तेरा इंतज़ार हैं के सोने नहीं देता

It is a dark night. Only 4 cubicles in the compete workhall are lit with those gloomy low voltage tubes. It's the GA day for the release and we have just fixed 4 issues. The five of us are waiting with bated breath as we see the builder nearing the completion of the build...

अब और ना तड़पा मुझे जालिम
कहीं ये चाहत मेरी जान ना ले ले

And there it is. The last thing that can go wrong in a day that has been spent in fire fighting release issues- the builder has failed.

तमाचा मारा होता तो ठीक होता
ये धोखा देने का अंदाज़ वार कर गया

We are looking at the screen blankly. We are tired and sleepy.

तेरे दर पर आए हैं
खाली हाथ तो नहीं लौटेंगे

I restart the builder and force a build.

तुम चाहो भी तो हमसे
दूर नहीं जा पाओगे
चाहो कहीं भी जाकर बस जाओं
आख़िर हमारी ही बाहों में आओगे

A build! In all its tar.gz glory. One of the most beautiful sights we have ever seen. We are at peace now.

तेरे काँधे पर सिर रख कर
मूँद ली हैं जो आंखें
आने दो नींद को जी भर कर
अब ख़्वाबों में होने दो बातें

Magic Trick

2008-03-15T03:24:00.000-07:00

There is something extremely magical about a child's eyes. All emotions seem to be magnified in those pools of wonder, mischief and innocence. It's such a challenge to keep this innocence intact as they grow up. Knowledge inevitably takes away their playfulness over years, like a sad necessity.

But there are some people out there who retain that innocence, wonder and mischief. And more often than not- these are some of the most creative people around. They are people who are always in control- people who do not falter or waver in making some really difficult decisions. But what is really interesting to watch is how they tackle a problem. Along with some deep lines on their foreheads noting the perplexity of the situation- they also have that quintessential twinkle in their eyes which says "Wow- look at this mess.. This is going to be interesting to explore..." It's as if a child is working on a puzzle, completely oblivious to everything else. Just like a child never doubts that it will find a way out, these people have full faith that they will come out of the problem. And their unadulterated confidence itself sounds the victory bell.

It's not bad to grow up. But it's important that we never let the child in us go quite. No- I don't mean that we go around trying to fit ourselves in a pram or head for a tin of Cerelac. What I mean is that we need not let this growing-up business seed any disbelief in us. Experiences are worth only something- they don't mean world.

Know the trick- don't let growing-up seep so much into you that it holds down the careless soul that is as free as the wind.

More or Less

2008-03-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

So it looks like I have received quite a lot of attention for the *less posts, in mails and messages. Which is why, before going ahead, I need to clarify one thing. I first want to thank everyone who was concerned about what was happening. Thanks people- I truly appreciate the fact that you regularly follow my blog posts - I shall keep writing for all you people always!! And secondly, there is nothing wrong with me. I am not upset, and I am definitely not depressed. It was not pain or agony- but a mere poetic streak which churned out these posts.

What I was trying out here, was a theme of the five senses being amiss- what it would feel like to suddenly find one sense missing in everything we do. Not in terms of the physical aspect, but the emotional one. Which is why, I took one piece of poetry at a time- Hindi alternated with English- each piece signifying an event/incident talking-about/leading-to directly/indirectly one sense. Looks like it was totally senseless. Haha :)

Not all these posts were meant to sound sad as such. In fact, I would say that except for the first one- Colorless- all others were not sad and had totally different ideas in them. Soundless talked about immortality. Scentless was a simple narration of the present. Wordless was a joyous admission of an inability to capture an emotion. And while Touchless had a very solemn tone (with "tears" and all)- it spoke of finality, which is not necessarily happy or sad.

Each one of us faces overwhelming emotions once in a while, which leave us a bit numb and unable to react. In each of these times, our senses kinda refuse to respond. It's when less becomes more.

In purely emotional terms, extreme joy and extreme sorrow are almost the same. Enjoy these emotions to the hilt. Live them as much as you would live any other moment. And you will see poetry coming out of the brightest and darkest hours alike.

Touchless

2008-03-01T20:54:00.000-08:00

No! Don't touch it
He shrieked
It's not for you
To have it
It's given already
To be taken care of
Why, you shouldn't even
See it
It's far too pure
For your dusty eyes

She raised her face
And looked at him
Then he noticed them
Her glistening eyes
And small paths that
Tears made on her cheeks
It was always hers
He knew it then
As he looked into
Her crystal clear eyes

She stood there a while
And left without a word
He never saw her again
And she did not return
But he now knows
What she had always known
In that one moment
He lost it forever
She took what she came for
Without a single touch

Wordless

2008-03-01T04:15:00.000-08:00

नज्म उलझी हुई हैं सीने में
मिसरे अटके हुए हैं होठों पर
उड़ते फिरते हैं तितलियों की तरह
लफ्ज़ कागज़ पर बैठते ही नहीं हैं
कब से बैठा हूँ मैं जानम
सादे कागज़ पर लिखके नाम तेरा

बस तेरा नाम ही मुकम्मल हैं
इससे बेहतर भी नज्म क्या होगी

~ गुलज़ार

Scentless

2008-02-29T06:19:00.000-08:00

And she ran
Frantically
Looking for
Those violets..

Where did they go?
Did the storm
Blow them away
Into oblivion

No, she thought
That cannot be
They weren't real enough
For the storm
To touch them

Where did they go?
Did the harsh sun
Dry them up
Into rumples

No, she thought
That cannot be
They weren't real enough
For the sun
To see them

Then she saw them
Those violets
There they were

They swung with the spring wind
Intoxicated
Yet holding on tight
To the shrub
That bore them

Soundless

2008-02-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

वक्त के सितम कम हसीं नहीं
आज हैं यहाँ कल कहीं नहीं
वक्त के परे अगर, मिल गए कहीं
मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान हैं
गर याद रहे

जो गुज़र गयी कल की बात थी
उम्र तो नहीं एक रात थी
रात का सिरा अगर, फिर मिलें कहीं
मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान हैं
गर याद रहे

नाम गुम जायेगा
चेहरा ये बदल जायेगा...

... मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान हैं
गर याद रहे

~ गुलज़ार

Colorless

2008-02-27T02:47:00.000-08:00

A tree was just uprooted
And a new seed was planted.

You're telling me
That nothing will change.
That some things
Are meant to be done.
That it's "a way of life".

But the way I see it-
I have lost my ways
In what you're calling
A way of life.

Impressive Expression

2008-02-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

The other day, me and my colleague were reviewing a presentation that was to be given to students and fresh graduates who were about to embark on a journey in the IT industry. There was one slide which talked about having the right attitude. I had an idea to put forth at the time- but I could not put in across as clearly as I would have liked to. And when I read this quote, I was delighted to see that it put my thoughts in the correct set of words:

“It's easy to let life deteriorate into making a living instead of making a life. It's not the hours you put in, but what you put into the hours that counts. Learn to express rather than impress. Expressing evokes a "me too"' attitude while impressing evokes a "so what" attitude.”
~ Jim Rhon

Express v/s impress. A difficult, but very important lesson to learn. And the sooner one learns it, the better. I have an interesting example to give here. I had a colleague who frequently got into petty arguments with people. Over time, I realized what the problem was: he saw every thing as an opportunity to show off his knowledge. Whether it was an interview, a meeting or a general discussion, he assumed it was a chance for him to showcase his talent and expertise. No one ever had any doubts about his knowledge or expertise- everyone has acknowledged long back that this guy was good. But everyone shied away from interacting with him because of his "I know it all" attitude. So in spite of him being so talented, neither could he be of any help to people, nor could he add any value by his presence.

I had talked about this in another post of mine (Clash of the Titans), that after a certain stage, we need to stop asking others to certify our worth. Instead, we need to join this "others" camp and help people understand their worth.

Work on your expression, and your impression will take care of itself.

Influenza

2008-02-14T06:28:00.000-08:00

"No no.. I'm not taking any risks. What if we go out and get pelted by stones?! No way- am staying home!!"

Me and my sister had plans with friends today evening- but my sister wouldn't listen. She had already decided. After my initial disagreement- I gave in to her decision and we are now at home. Today is Valentines Day.

So there's this anti-western stand that these supposed keepers of morality (read stone-pelters) have taken over the past few years. They randomly go and damage property at any place that seems western enough to them. Gift galleries, multiplexes, cafes, fast-food joints- you name it and they've broken things there. They apparently believe that Valentines Day is a bad influence.

I am not sure I understand what they're talking about. Valentines Day is a celebration of love! I realize that not everyone takes it in the same spirit , but does that mean that it be banned?! I don't think so. Are we not supposed to be living in a free country?! Who are these people to decide what we do or not? We are not breaking any law by exchanges roses or chocolates or cards. We are just having a good time! We don't give a damn about whether the Valentines Day has come from the West or the East or whatever. Indians are known to be people who love celebrating. And Valentines Day means the same as Sakrant, Holi or Diwali to us- it's a reason for celebration!

I celebrated Valentines Day in office today, and I felt great as I distributed toffees and little heart-shaped paper pin-ups to everyone in my team! Everyone forgot about work, deadlines, schedules and all our worries melted away with the sweet candy as we giggled away with child-like joy. For those 5-10 min, each one of us felt the spirit of togetherness and love. I'll say that we experienced Valentines Day.

Bad influence?!

Time Less

2008-02-11T05:45:00.000-08:00

The last time I quoted Casablanca, I had not watched the movie. I am not particularly fond of war stories- I have not been able to finish many epic, bestselling novels which have the backdrop of war. So I was sceptical about Casablanca too. And now I can safely say that all my doubts were totally misplaced.

I started writing this post with a lot of things in mind, which I wanted to put here.. But now as my fingers are running over the keyboard trying to type them- I find that they all fail to match up to what I truly feel about the movie.

I guess that everything that I intended to say, is already captured in that song..

This day and age we're living in
Gives cause for apprehension
With speed and new invention
And things like fourth dimension
Yet we get a trifle weary
With Mr. Einstein's theory,
So we must get down to earth at times
Relax relieve the tension
And no matter what the progress
Or what may yet be proved
The simple facts of life are such
They cannot be removed
You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
And when two lovers woo
They still say, I love you
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by
Moonlight and love songs
Never out of date
Hearts full of passion
Jealousy and hate
Woman needs man
And man must have his mate
That no one can deny
It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.

Yes.. Some things will always remain the same.. As I hear stories of jealousy, adultery, hatred and deceit- I think to myself- are we not looking at just the supposed end of all those stories here? Is it not apparent that all of them must've begun with love? And if only that love had taken the right path, we would have hailed the same stories as stories of faith, courage, perseverance and patience.

As I watched Casablanca, I realized that whether it is Radha and Krishna or Rick and Illsa- they will always continue to inspire people to do the right thing. But what's the right thing? I am afraid that it is not something that can be formulated and published for everyone to follow- it is something that each one has to decide for oneself.

And contrary to popular belief, doing the right thing is not about sacrificing what is precious to you- it is about knowing that what's precious to you would always stay with you, no matter how far it seems. It is to treasure the moments which made it beautiful and to know that ...

... We'll always have Paris..

Identity Management

2008-02-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

I was once afraid of people saying, "Who does she think she is?" Now I have the courage to stand and say, "This is who I am."--Oprah Winfrey

You have one life- don't live it pretending to be someone who you are not. Stop trying to derive confidence based on what others think about you. Be yourself. That's the only way to really live- else you are are just living a lie.

Bitter Medicine

2008-02-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

If there is one profession I respect a lot- it is medicine. When I stood at the crossroads after 12th std, I knew that I had neither the courage nor the patience to become a doctor. Because doctors are people who have the stamina, patience and courage of around ten average people put together.

But exceptions prove the rule! Along with being one of the most noble professions, doctors aka medical practitioners are also infamous for indulging in money-minting schemes and behaving in an unacceptable fashion.

Today evening, my sister got a very acute headache and my mom rushed her to a doctor who has his clinic close by. My mom has a history of migraine and my sister gets it from her. But since my sister was recently hospitalized and is on other medicines right now, so instead of any self medication, my mom decided to consult a doctor...

"नमस्कार doctor. दुपार पासून खूप डोक दुखतय हीच.. काही सुचत नाही आहे.. सध्या हे औषध चालू आहे आणी.."
"हे घ्या- हे औषध द्या.. चला"
"पण doctor- हे already जे औषध आहे ते..."
"बंद करा... त्यात काय..."
"आणी तिला migraine चा पण आहेच problem ज़रा..."
"काहीतरी बोलू नका.. लहान मुलांना migraine नसत.. तिच्या मनात काहीतरी भरू नका..."

For anyone who does not understand Marathi: the doctor completely snubbed out my mom when she tried to tell him that my sister is already on some medication and that it could be a migraine headache. The doctor said something to the tune of "What do you know?! Kids don't have migraine- don't try to put some silly ideas in her head!!"

At this point, let me mention that my sister is not a small child- she is 19 years old and totally looks her age. Needless to say, Dr. Impatient did not even bother to inquire her age. My mom was silent. I would have probably glared at that doctor and given him a piece of my mind, but because my mom is so patient herself, she continued...

"BP वगैरे काही.. "
"आता काय .. काही गरज नाही- लहानांचा BP वगैरे काही नसत.."

My mom left his clinic, but not before paying an exorbitant amount as the consultation fees.

I don't mean to be unfairly sarcastic. Such exceptions exist in all professions. But it is more critical in a profession like medicine, where it is someone's life and well being which hangs in balance. I realize that doctors are human beings too. They cannot be perfect, polite all the time. Treating and saving lives is a big responsibility and obviously it is extremely stressful. I cannot claim to even imagine what each day in their lives must be like. But does that give them an excuse to behave as they please?! No. It does not. Period. The fact that they get up everyday and go to their clinics and hospitals means that they have made a choice and are living it. And mind you- the doctors that I am talking about are getting handsomely paid for what they do.

Thankfully, I have met more good doctors than not-good ones. So my faith in these good breed of people is still quite intact. All I want to say to all those exceptions out there is:

If you cannot be true to the purpose of what you're doing, if you're not passionate about what you're doing, if you're just doing it for the money, then please don't risk our lives and our faith in your profession by continuing with it.

Mist in my eyes..

2008-01-31T09:01:00.000-08:00

“I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.”
~ Calvin & Hobbes

Innocent. Magical. Sublime. Is it a dream? Or is it the dream..?

Total Convergence

2008-01-19T04:01:00.000-08:00

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

I had recently quoted these lines when some important things were in the midst of being decided. And I wanted to put them here, as a memory stamp which would depict the sleepless moments that accompanied the process and also the stark finality of the choice that was made..

So keeping up with the tradition, I started searching for a picture for it. Which is when I found this picture that I have posted here. Looking at it, I thought to myself- who's to say that the two roads are diverging out..? What the picture shows is a junction of two roads- and it can be read in another way too. It can also be interpreted as two roads coming together to meet each other into one. And suddenly, all finality evaporated and I felt a strange relief which soothed my raw nerves as I laughed out aloud- I will sleep well tonight.. :)

Every single moment in time is complete in itself- it is not only a moment which signifies an end to the time before it, but also a moment which is the gateway to the time which is to come after it.

As I now look at the picture- I am most certain of it. Two different roads have converged into a single one.. And this new road is going to pave the way for.. Umm.. Well :) Let me just say...

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
~ Rick Blaine, Casablanca

I know wonderful things are in store for Rick and Louis... :)

Event Horizon

2007-12-29T04:22:00.000-08:00

The countdown has begun... :)

Dark Silence

2007-12-15T21:25:00.000-08:00

I have always been an ardent fan of Harivansh Rai Bachchan's poetry. But it wasn't till I read this composition of his, that I awoke to the power of his words...

रात आधी खींच कर मेरी हथेली

रात आधी खींच कर मेरी हथेली
एक ऊँगली से लिखा था प्यार तुमने।

फासला था कुछ हमारें बिस्तरों में
और चारों ऑर दुनिया सो रहीं थी।
तारिकायें ही गगन की जानती थी
जो दशा दिल की तुम्हारें हो रहीं थी।
मैं तुम्हारें पास होकर दूर तुमसे
अधजगा सा और अधसोया हुआ सा।
रात आधी खींच कर मेरी हथेली
एक ऊँगली से लिखा था प्यार तुमने।

एक बिजली छू गयी सहसा जगा मैं
कृष्णपक्षी चाँद निकला था गगन में।
इस तरह करवट पडी थी तुम कि आँसू
बह रहे थे इस नयन से उस नयन मे।
मैं लगा दूं आग उस संसार में
हैं प्यार जिसमें इस तरह असमर्थ कातर ।
जानती हो उस समय क्या कर गुजरने
के लिए था कर दिया तैयार तुमने!
रात आधी खींच कर मेरी हथेली
एक ऊँगली से लिखा था प्यार तुमने।

प्रात ही की ऑर को हैं रात चलती
औ उजाले में अँधेरा डूब जाता।
मंच ही पूरा बदलता कौन ऐसी
खूबियों के साथ परदे को उठाता।
एक चेहरा सा लगा तुमने लिया था
और मैंने था उतारा एक चेहरा।
वो निशा का स्वप्न मेरा था कि अपने
पर गज़ब का था किया अधिकार तुमने।
रात आधी खींच कर मेरी हथेली
एक ऊँगली से लिखा था प्यार तुमने।

और उतने फासले पर आज तक
सौ यत्न करके भी न आए फिर कभी हम।
फिर न आया वक़्त वैसा
फिर न मौका उस तरह का
फिर न लौटा चाँद निर्मम।
और अपनी वेदना मैं क्या बताऊँ!
क्या नहीं ये पंक्तियाँ खुद बोलती हैं?
बुझ नहीं पाया अभी तक उस समय जो
रख दिया था हाथ पर अंगार तुमने।

रात आधी खींच कर मेरी हथेली
एक ऊँगली से लिखा था प्यार तुमने।

~ हरिवंश राय बच्चन

Wild Wild Teens

2007-12-10T06:49:00.000-08:00

I just read a very good post here, which talks about how, setting the right priorities, can help kids look at things in the right perspective and avoid unnecessary confrontation with their tired parents. And my personal experience as an elder sister has taught me an important lesson in this regard.

Kids- teenagers more so- are a breed of their own- or at least that is what they like to believe. Being in teens is almost as excruciating for the teenager as it is for the parent/guardian. A teenager is always trying out different masks- and in the process of it- trying to find out his or her true identity. Talking to them (leave apart explaining something to them) is a very difficult task- unless- we think like them.

The issue is not only absence of priorities or misplaced priorities- it is also about the difference in our priorities and theirs. That's what people call the generation gap- and it is not peculiar to teenagers- it is just more emphasized for them, because they don't give a damn about anyone else's priorities. Ironically- that's the way youth is- which is why they are also capable of feats (good and bad) which demure and more mature people won't even dream of.

Imagine being in a group of friends aged 14-something, most of whom have expensive gadgets or totally unacceptable body art. It's all about the coolness quotient- you're either one of them, or you're out to fend for yourself. Parents and siblings suddenly become the most unimportant people in the world for them- as their friends and special friends and extra special friends start assuming mammoth significance. Every teenager is scared of being labeled as uncool or an outcast. Every teenager wants to be the most popular one- and if that popularity comes at the cost of being rebellious at home, then it is "so be it" for them. And that is their highest priority.

But first things first: lets make one thing very very clear. Giving in to their demands every single time is stupidity- because giving in to unreasonable tantrums will never set their perspective right.

So what do you do? Well- you have to negotiate with them like a seasoned bargainer. Let their demands be fulfilled as rewards for something that you would want them to do. Let them realize that every joy is sweeter when preceded by some sweat and hard work. Let them realize the value of money and time by regulating it based on the fulfillment of a promise that they made to you. Let them make some small mistakes- give them a chance to learn from them in stead of trying to restrain them in a protective cocoon.

Agreed- it is much much easier said than done. No one would want to let their child/sibling getting drugged at a late night party or dropping out of high-school- and I am no exception. So yes- some boundaries need to be drawn- and we need to make sure that these boundaries are not crossed- whatever be the reason. And when teenagers start acting up a tantrum, wanting to cross these- it seems like an impossible task to reason with them...

But I speak from personal experience as I say this- the most important thing that teenagers need is self-confidence. They are always in dire need of it. Especially so in today's cut-throat competitive world- where they either have to excel, or resign to being an Average Joe or Plain Jane. So, as irrational or unreasonable they seem- we have to assure them that we believe in them. And that we will continue to do so even if they have plain black hair and no cellphone. They need our faith- not our anger. The more angry and stubborn we get- the more they will rebel.

And most important of all- they need to be told- that it is not us versus them- it is us and them. That it can never be an 'either-or' scenario- it will always have to be an 'and-or' scenario. Once they realize that we are not trying to control their lives and that we just want to have a say in it- they will tone down their hostility.

So be it! :)

Find your own dream

2007-12-08T21:27:00.000-08:00

"When I was young- my parents told me what to do. When I grew up and got married, my husband told me what to do. And now, my children tell me what to do. I am tired of others dictating my life. For God's sake- it's MY life!!"

One of my aunts was particularly upset the other day as she blurted out all these words in one breath. I was sitting there silently, with my hand on her shoulder- trying to pacify her a bit. But I found words betraying me as I tried to string them in sentences. I just sat there with her and she tried to fight back sobs.

I tried to think of what she must be feeling. I am not yet in the second and third phase that my aunt talked about. But my parents never dictated my life as I grew up. They never forced me to wear a certain kind of clothes. They never stopped me from participating in extra-curricular activities thinking that my studies would suffer. They never inhibited me from making friends who were guys, out of the fear that I would elope with one of them. One of the biggest examples is the time when I decided to do my engineering from Nasik. Everyone, including my closest relatives, called me stupid and naive for choosing to take admission in a college in Nasik, in spite of having the necessary percentile and opportunity to join some prestigious colleges. But my Mom and Dad never questioned it. And the fact that I am doing quite well now- is my answer to all those people who did not believe in me back then, and my tribute to my parents who wholeheartedly supported my decision.

As I sat with with my aunt that day- I recollected all this and felt fortunate to have been given the chance to prove that I can make my decisions. That has given me the confidence to find my own dreams and to see them come true. And I remembered something which my Dad has always said to me in different words over all these years... Don't live someone else's life and dreams. Go find your own.

Thank you Mom and Dad- you made me the confident person that I am today :)

दिल ढूँढता हैं फिर वही ...

2007-12-01T01:47:00.001-08:00

एक पुराना मौसम लौटा, याद भरी पुरवाई भी
ऐसा तो कम ही होता हैं, वह भी हो और तन्हाई भी

यादों की बौछारों से जब पलकें भीगने लगती हैं
कितनी सौंधी लगती हैं तब मांझी की रुसवाई भी

दो दो शक्लें दिखती हैं इस बहके से आईने में
मेरे साथ चला आया आपका इक सौदाई भी

खामोशी का हासिल भी एक लम्बी सी खामोशी हैं
उनकी बात सुनी भी हमने, अपनी बात सुनायी भी

ऐसा तो कम ही होता हैं, वह भी हो और तन्हाई भी...

~ गुलज़ार

...

Drop

2007-11-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to write this post since Tuesday evening- the fateful day when it happened... But just could not get myself to write about it- till now that is. I guess it is only now- after four days or so- that words are forming themselves without sounding like sentences out of a documentary.

A normal day, which starts with the usual frenzy of activity. A couple of telemarketing phone calls- "Madam we are offering a new policy for accident insurance....." and I reply with "No thanks.. " as I get back to cursing my super-slow IDE while trying to fix some test-case. As noon approaches- I start feeling uneasy- maybe its the sudden change in climate.. I am not feeling very well. By the time I am done with lunch- I feel worse. So I decide to finish off with the current task and leave for home.

It's around 3:45pm when I leave office with the usual "Call me if its urgent" line. I get into my car, and get on the road. There's a mini bus in front of me. I am driving at 40KMPH. Hmm- the mini bus is slowing down- looks like it's going to take a turn now. I slow down- I don't want to overtake it - there's already a car to my left. I am not in a hurry- I slow down the car: 30KMPH.. 20KMPH... 10KMPH... Stop. I am waiting for the mini bus to complete the turn at the cutting in the road. I have been waiting for around 5 seconds now- the bus is waiting for traffic from that side to stop so that it can turn. "Come on... Take a turn!!" I say in my mind..

BANG!!!

My car has surged ahead. No- I did not accelerate. And no- the car isn't in neutral. And yes- my foot is firmly on the break. It takes a millisecond for my brain to register that someone hit my car from behind. And as soon as that registers- I turn behind- and see that white car- with it's bonnet open- speed past me.. "The number- I've got to see that car's number!!!" my brain is screaming to me.. But my eye-sight cannot reach the number plate of that car- and it is then that I realize- that my car has rammed into the mini bus in front of me- and the bonnet of my car is into the bus sideways- almost up to my windshield..

Oh-oooo...

Suddenly I forget all about that white car. The bonnet of my car has crumpled like a sheet of paper, as the corner of the turning bus stabbed into it. My hands are still on the steering wheel. I foolishly notice that the car has stopped running. Nothing happens for the next complete second. I am just sitting there- motionless- as if I expect this is to be a nightmare which will end any second now.

No it's not a nightmare. Here they come...

Who are all these people who are crowding around me? The mini-bus driver begins with a full verbal assault. "HANG ON A SEC!!!" I tell him. "I did NOT hit your bus on purpose!!! My car was hit from behind- and I got pushed into the bus!!!" He looks at me incredulously. I try to get my car started so that I can move it to avoid a traffic jam. The mini bus driver glares at me- "Madam- don't move the car till my Sahib comes- he needs to see the accident as it happened. I say.. "Ok" and proceed to take off my seat-belt and get out of the car..

Do you know what they mean by a "mob"? Well- I know now.

The mob is not letting me get out of the car. "Eee madam- stay where you are. Don't move. Don't leave the car. You think you can run away like this?" Me?! Run away?! What the hell are they talking about?! Do I really look that stupid so as to make these people think that I intentionally rammed into a mini-bus with my little Alto?! There are 10 people shouting at me at the same time and I am cornered in my car. "How dare you try to overtake and damage the mini bus?! Don't you know- the bus is under Transport Corporation (or something like that) and you can't get away after damaging it."

I am trying to make sense out of what those people are talking about. Me damaging the bus? I mean- really now. I am looking at my car- completely wrecked - and these people are threatening me not to move because I damaged the bus?!

Some people are putting their hand on the window and gesturing angrily at me. Ok- now I am scared. It suddenly dawns upon me that I am the only female around- and that it is only me against the mob. My hands are trembling now. I get hold of my cell phone and start dialing 9822... Manjusha's number. I am just a kilometer from office. She can reach soon and she will get someone along with her. "Hello.. Manjusha.. Can you come here right now.. I have met with an accident..." I am met with a brief, shocked, silence at the other side.. Manjusha's voice comes back on line- "Where are you right now..? " I tell her my location- in a surprisingly cold, accurate, machine-like way.

100 - the number is 100..

They are here- they are here!!! I have never been so happy in my life to see a police van. They let me move my car. I turn the key in the ignition- hoping that there is no blast like they show in the movies. It turns and the car springs back to life. I put it in reverse gear with doubt clouding my mind- "Will it run?!" I let go of the clutch and it moves behind- clearing all my doubts- it's running. I somehow take a U turn and park the car at the other side of the road. Some good samaritan from the crowd comes to me and hands me over two things which he picked up from the accident spot.. "Madam- here- your car's bumper and headlight- it had fallen off over there.. " I look at the two things in his hands- take them from him and thank him- I cannot believe I am carrying pieces of my car. I put them inside the car- or whatever is left of it..

Ok- so by this time I am in bad shape. Tears are stinging my eyes and and I am battling them so that they don't spill out. Of course I lose the battle as the first big, gigantic tear rolls down my cheek. By this time- the mob has been scattered away by the police. "No no no- I cannot cry right now.. Easy Priyanka easy.. " I tell myself. I get out of the car and walk towards the police personnel. I tell him what happened. I notice Manjusha and Dhanraj walking towards me.

They make a diagram of the accident- which car was where and who hit whom. They ask us to get the car to the police station, some distance from the spot. I am not sure of driving the car in that condition- but what the heck- I don't feel anything anymore- a sickening numbness has begun to set in. I drive the car in first and second till the police station. And I am greeted with expressions ranging from pity and horror as I make my way till there.

FIR time ..

The police station is a small place with a some cupboards, desks, a TV and a mirror saying "Majhaa ganvesh kasaa aahe" meaning "How does my uniform look?". I sit there silently. the police personnel question me and get all details. The FIR is ready in sometime. But I am up for another interesting ordeal now.

"Hello- is this the insurance company?"

I call up the car showroom (which had gotten me the car insurance) to get the insurance company number. A guy answers "Hello ma'am. Pleased to have received your call. How may I help you?". I clear my throat and say- "Hello- This is Priyanka- I got a car from your showroom in March- I have just met with an accident- can you please tell me which number I can contact on". Without a moment's delay the guy replies- "Oh- this is about insurance- hang on I shall transfer you to that department". I wait for the music to get over when other person comes on line with a curt "Yes?" I repeat my sentences just to be transfered again. By this time, Manjusha and Dhanraj are also fuming about the calls being transfered and their irritation fuels me a bit- and when the third operator comes online I tell her "This is Priyanka. I have met with an accident and need the insurance number. And if you dont have it- PLEASE DON'T TRANSFER THE CALL ANYWHERE WHERE I HAVE TO REPEAT EVERYTHING! JUST HANG UP" She meekly gives me the number. Manjusha is writing down all the numbers that I am speaking out. After five more calls- I reach the required person and intimate him about the accident.

Back to the pavilion

The police ask me to come around later. I somehow drive the car to the office parking where the main gate security greets with me shocked looks. I get the car into the parking and go back to my desk. Like an audio recording- I tell everyone about the accident. I have not called up my family yet- I know that would need to wait a bit.

Kunal, my teammate, says he'll drop me home. I am home now and am telling everyone about it. It seems as if it happened years ago as I recite the story again.

It's close to 9pm now- and I just want to sleep. No phone calls. Nothing. I just want to sleep....

It is only now that I am in a state to write about it without feeling numb. This incident has made me realize how lucky and special I am- and how many people there are out there who are praying for my well being. I am here today typing away about this only because I was wearing my seat belt. I am here today giving a recollection of the whole ordeal only because the car that hit mine, hit from the left side, making me hit the bus sideways. Had it been a head-on collision- my windshield would have rained on me.

I want to make an appeal to everyone who's reading this. Please wear your seat-belts while driving people. And please please live each and every moment of your life. Without regrets. Because I know what I am saying when I say that only the present moment is what we have. Live it.

Life is like a drop of water- and for me it's more beautiful now than it was ever before.. Amen! :)

Outlook Express

2007-11-17T21:24:00.000-08:00

"Two men look through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one the stars"
- Frederick Langbridge

Believe.

Get set GO!!

2007-11-10T21:27:00.000-08:00

While sorting out my book rack- I found some old paper cuttings. I have had this hobby ever since I started reading newspapers. Whenever I came across some interesting articles or abstract art, I would cut them out and put them in a file-folder, so that I could make a scrapbook out of them. Then I got busy, and though the pile of cuttings kept on growing, they never made their way into a scrapbook.

The following excerpt. from a column called Points To Ponder from a very old edition of Reader's Digest, caught my attention:

When I was a Boy Scout, we played a game when new Scouts joined the troop. We lined up chairs in a pattern, creating an obstacle course through which the new Scouts, blindfolded, were supposed to manoeuvre. The Scoutmaster gave them a few moments to study the pattern before our adventure began. But as soon as the victims were blindfolded, the rest of us quietly removed the chairs.

I think life is like this game. Perhaps we spend our lives avoiding obstacles we have created for ourselves and in reality exist only in our minds. We're afraid to apply for that job, take violin lessons, learn a foreign language, call an old friend, write to our legislator - whatever it is that we would really like to do but don't because of perceived obstacles.

Don't avoid any chairs until you smack into one. and if you do, at least you'll have a place to sit down.
~ Pierce Vincent Eckhart

As I went through this and the other cuttings- I thought- it's never too late to begin. And I started a new scrap book just some time back.

Go for it people. The time is now.

The Key

2007-11-09T23:23:00.002-08:00

I have a teacher, now more of a friend and guide, who has a simple philosophy he follows- trust people by default. There's a chance that your trust will be broken- but if it isn't broken- you've won that trust for a lifetime.

And over these years- I have tried to follow this rule as much as I could. And after the initial skepticism- I have realized that people are only as bad as we make them out to be.

I am not advocating that we keep our doors open and give an open invitation for someone to come and harm us or our house. No. That would be totally impractical. But hostility and suspicion need to be in control. In this world- when people don't trust even family and friends- trust is becoming more of a noun than a verb. We talk about it, write about it, debate about it- and finally forget about it. Do we really apply it?!

Yeah well- in my own ways- I know I do. And I won't deny that my trust has been broken- it has ( and I also admit that I have shouted and cried when that has happened :P). But that does not make me believe that everyone I meet will break my trust. I still believe that there are more good people in this world. And the rest aren't really bad- just disillusioned.. :)

It wouldn't hurt to remember that the best and most precious things in life are the ones which require you to trust- without any receipt that entitles you file a lawsuit if you do not get any returns on your trust. Because the best and most precious things in life are never about returns.

Trust is the key to most doors- open 'em now... :)

At this moment I am thinking of...

2007-11-03T23:10:00.000-07:00

Well...
They say - A picture is worth a thousand words... :)

मैं स्वरूप पाती मृत्तिका...

2007-11-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

मृत्तिका
- नरेश मेहता

मैं तो मात्र मृत्तिका हूँ -
जब तुम
मुझे पैरों से रौंदते हो
तथा हल के फाल से विदीर्ण करते हो
तब मैं -
धन - धान्य बनकर मातृरूपा हो जाती हूँ |

जब तुम
मुझे हाथों से स्पर्श करते हो
तथा चाक पर चढाकर घुमाने लगते हो
तब मैं -
कुम्भ और कलश बनकर
जल लाती तुम्हारी अंतरंग प्रिया हो जाती हूँ |

जब तुम
मुझे मेले में मेरे खिलौने रूप पर
आकर्षित होकर मचलने लगते हो
तब मैं -
तुम्हारें शिशु हाथों में पहुंच प्रजारुपा हो जाती हूँ |

पर जब भी तुम
अपने पुरुषार्थ-पराजित स्वत्व से मुझे पुकारते हो
तब मैं -
अपने ग्राम्य-देवत्व के साथ
चिन्मयी शक्ति हो जाती हूँ |
प्रतिमा बन तुम्हारी आराध्या हो जाती हूँ |

विश्वास करों
यह सबसे बड़ा देवत्व हैं, कि -
तुम पुरुषार्थ करते मनुष्य हो
और मैं स्वरूप पाती मृत्तिका

Read in between lines,words,hearts,souls- and you'll find music...

2007-11-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today I came across these lines:

Sticks and stones are hard on bones.
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything.
But silence breaks the heart.

And then I read the words:

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

Which made me remember the phrase:

"Easier said than done."

But as I now get ready to go to sleep and dream- I am saying to myself:

"Everything happens for the best"

Because I know that the only truth is the one which I know-

All love is in my heart-
And all music in my soul
What words cannot say
My eyes make whole

I choose ... to smile :)

2007-10-29T00:43:00.000-07:00

"Make a choice- and make it fast- do you want strawberry or butterscotch?..."

I looked at my sister as she stood there impatiently- her feet tapping- waiting for me to tell her which flavor of ice cream I would like to have. It was almost 3 in the afternoon and I was feeling sleepy- but I had to make this choice since it would then define the next course of action to be taken.

As I picked butterscotch- I wished making all choices were as simple.

"... Make a choice..."

Three words which, when arranged together as above, have the capability to get a person up in knots. The ice-cream example was trivial, but today, these three words stood up in front of me, when a loved one made a choice in someone else's favor- against me- "i know it hurts you, but ..." The word but, when strategically placed, can hurt a thousand times more.. And as that person chose to hurt me- I made a choice myself- I chose to honor that person's choice.

Because I believe in what J. K. Rowling once said:

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

I know I made the right choice.

Believe in Yourself - Follow your Dreams...

2007-10-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

I saw Jab We Met on Friday. Loved it. Because it is about all these things which I believe in..

... that dreams come true- you just need courage to believe in them enough to follow them...
... that when you truly wish for something dil se- you do get it...
... that when you are passionate about something- you do things which seem stupid and outrageous to others...
... that no one knows what might happen next- which is why one should live each moment to the fullest...

We have a photo frame in office. It has four lines inscribed on it:

Believe in miracles..
Believe in yourself..
Follow your heart..
Follow your dreams..

When I saw that movie- I remembered these lines and I remembered that frame. We don't see this frame all the time in front of us. In fact- most of the times- it needs to be kept face down because it does not have anything at the back which can help us put it up on a wall.

But we don't need to see it everyday to remember what it says. Because we have the essence of it in us now. And there have been numerous times when these lines have inspired us to keep going. These lines have encouraged us to stand by our beliefs. We recently won some recognition awards for our work- and I would like to believe that it is this same spirit of faith and belief in us which made us winners.

Ok-time out! So what's happening here? I started talking about a movie, then went on about a picture frame and some team awards.

Well.. I guess that's the irony of it :) The team went to see Jab We Met as a celebration for the awards- and the fact that the movie was all about those four inspiring lines in motion- made it all seem like a wonderful conspiracy...

I'll repeat my favorite thought from The Alchemist:

"When you really want something as you walk on the path that destiny has laid down for you- the whole world conspires so that you get it.."

You just need to experience it once to become a believer. I know I am.. :)

Are you? :)

Tyohaaron kee kaun jaat?

2007-10-20T23:14:00.000-07:00

I read the following article in The Times of India in its edition dated 19th Oct 2007:

Durga For All - Abantika Ghosh

It was that terrible time in every teenager’s life — the period before the Class XII pre-board examinations. Puja had just ended and some of us friends were waiting for our English tutor to arrive, contemplating the horrible things that were going to happen to us when we sat for our papers a month later after the five days of mindless revelry. There was just one composed person in the room — my classmate Emmanuel. He made a smug statement: “Nothing can happen to me. I will pass with flying colors’’. What audacity, we thought. “What makes you think so?’’ was the almost instant and disgusted chorus. “Aami thakur tulechi (i lifted God)’’ was the answer. It took a while to register. And then we realized. His supreme confidence stemmed from the simple fact that he had helped organizers of his neighborhood Durga Puja lift the 12-odd-foot idol onto the podium and he hoped to clear the examinations by the grace of Devi Durga. He was dead serious about it. He had managed to silence us. He was the only Muslim in the room, and also the only one who had been so actively involved in the religious aspects of the Puja.

After 31 heady Durga Pujas, this has come to be my everlasting Puja memory, even though the incident did not happen during those precious five days filled with the intoxicating fragrance of new clothes, bamboo pandal, dhuno and everything else all true-blue Bongs associate with the festival. It is special because it drove home the real essence of the festival — the fact that it is not about religiosity at all. In fact, it was fairly late in life that i grasped the religious connotations of the festival. As a child it had been all about this superwoman who looked pretty and meant five days of no studies. Puja is a celebration of culture, a celebration of everything beautiful, including falling in love with your sari-clad classmate at 16 and exchanging furtive glances in the midst of drumbeats during the aarati. One does not have to be a Hindu or Bengali to enjoy the delights of the Puja. All one needs is the willingness to join the festivities with gusto. Because the Puja is a celebration of life.

It was just a week back that we had gone and had enjoyed lip-smacking, authentic Hyderabadi Biryani and an equally delicious preparation of Sheer-Kurma in Amma's small, freshly painted room, on the occasion of Ramzan Eid. Amma is the house maid who works at our place.

It is Dussera today- and my mom offered some sweets as prasad to Amma when the latter came to our place in the morning. Amma did not hesitate at all- she removed her footwear and took the pallu of her saaree over her head as my mom put the prasad in her hands.

As I watched it all, I realized that the place has changed- the occasion has changed- the delicacy has changed- but the essence of celebration and the festive spirit has remained the same. And that it has nothing to do with where one was born- which language one speaks or which form of God one worships.

Because the joyous spirit of a celebration has no caste- no creed- no religion. As the title for this post asks- "Tyohaaron kee kaun jaat" - meaning- "What is the caste of a festival?".. Amen!

Here's wishing everyone a very Happy Dusseraa :)

A trip of a kind - the SM India kind.. :)

2007-10-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

Finally the day arrived...
Saturday- 13th Oct 2007- the day when the SM India Team was to go to Kundalika river for rafting, followed by an overnight stay at the Durshet Nature Trails Forest Lodge. I tell you- we all were waiting for the trip since the day we decided it.

Come fast people!!!
Most people reached the pick up point well within time. By the way- I think it is worth mentioning that we were to reach office (the bus pick-up point) at 5:30am, which by no means, was an easy task. But I am glad to say- that most people made it... However- somethings got delayed- and it was almost 6:45-7 am by the time we started off. The driver looked morose- he said we won't be able to make it till 8am- which was the time at which the rafting was supposed to begin. Everyone was a little concerned....

But well- we're incorrigible optimists :)
And so- hoping for the best- we started our journey. :) People sitting towards the back of the bus were in full form- wanting to sing songs and have fun. I was a little sleepy initially- wasn't really in a mood to sing and all. But it was not much time before the excitement caught up with me- and others. And soon- we were belting out old and new Hindi movie hits one after the other. Everything from "Roop teraa mastanaa" to "Beedi jalaile"... The journey ended before we knew it.

And then the tense concern returned....
It was already 8:30am by the time we reached the site. We missed the correct turn the first time around and ended up coming around a bit, which added to the delay. As we approached the rafting site- everyone was silent- "Has the rafting started...? Are we too late".

But you see- the optimism worked!!! :)
The water in the river where we were going to raft is controlled by a dam. The dam authorities had not released water from the dam that day till the time we reached. So the rafting had not begun!! All of us shouted in joy "We have not missed it!!!"

After having some (meager) breakfast and some tea- we all waited for the dam gates to open. Time passed by- 9am - 9:30am - 10am. No sign of the water gushing in. As we whiled away our time sitting in the stationary rafts wearing the rafting gear just to pose for the camera- we all knew that it wasn't happening. I guess optimism != miracles...

Disappointment can't catch up- we're too fast for it.. :)
Nothing can kill a joyous team spirit :) Well- we can't raft- but we can go into the river and have fun splashing around there!

And that's exactly what we did- we just splashed into the river dragging everyone in the team into it playing all sorts of weird games. We kept on scaring each other saying "What if the dam gates open right now and water comes flooding in...?" We clicked dozens of pictures in all funny poses... :D

Time for another trip...
Finally we reluctantly came out of the river- it was almost 12:30pm and we had to reach the Durshet forest lodge till lunch time. We quickly changed into dry clothes and started off from their. All that splashing around had left us exhausted- and really really hungry. No one sang or even talked during the one hour to Durshet- everyone caught a few winks and woke up when the bus screeched to a halt at the Forest Lodge.

"Durshet Forest Lodge welcomes you!"
Everyone yawned, rubbed their eyes open, picked up their luggage and walked upto the lodge. We were given the keys to our rooms. Earlier we had planned that we would go for lunch following a bath. But everyone was so hungry- that all we did was- dumped the luggage in our rooms and rushed to the dining hall. The food was absolutely delicious- and our hunger made it taste totally exotic!

Howzzat!!!
After a filling lunch, we all retreated to our rooms. Some people just fell on the beds and fell asleep. But the others just took to an open ground over there and thus began the sport which rules every Indian's heart- cricket! :D The game started with a stripped down version of the actual rules, with only 5-6 people playing. In about an hour or so- everyone else joined in too and soon almost the whole team was shrieking and shouting- "Howzzat... "... "Hey that was NOT out!!" It was sheer fun... :) Every time the cricket ball used to go out of bounds- Shriram used to go hunt for it- he was unanimously named the cricket-ball-debugger :P

Splash!!
After a hot and sweaty game of cricket- the swimming pool suddenly looked inviting... Almost everyone jumped into the cool blue pool... The ace swimmers were trying to teach novices like myself and others how to hold your breath under water and all the other tricks... We played some pool volleyball and brought the whole place down with our shrieks...

Food- bring us more food!
And of course- then we were hungry again! We quickly changed into dry clothes and went to the cafeteria for some evening snacks, wherein a wonderful layout of mouth-watering pani-puri was awaiting us. I ate more than I could ever imagine- and I guess it was the same for everyone else.

It was around 5:30-6pm or so already... The sunset was beautiful and romantic... And the breeze was slow and silken... The butterflies were flitting around as if they were completely unaware of our presence there... Away from the glaring lights and the inhuman sounds of the city- it all felt soothing... A perfect getaway....

And then they ATTACKED
As we returned to our rooms- we felt their presence- and increasingly they would not let us walk straight. I am talking about none other than the monstrous mosquitoes which hovered around us making us dance while shooing them away. Thankfully, the lodge caretakers got some smoky solution to the problem and the mosquitoes left us in peace.

Two fat majors.. 8 and 8 is 88.. And a shake..!!
Yeah- then it was time for a game of Tambola or Housie!!! Prasanna got this wonderful portable tambola kit and I became the number announcer... Nehal took away three of the main prizes- I guess it was really her lucky day :)

"Jungle hain aadhee raat hain...." (It's midnight in a jungle..)
Then it was time to go for a nature trail- it was a perfect time to do that. It was pitch dark and a guide from the lodge was going to lead us to the Amba river shore- which was hardly some distance from the lodge. And thus we began with our flickering torches- walking down those shaky steps in the middle of the jungle... And a series of suspense movie songs made the situation just perfect for the weak hearted :))

And that moment, my dear friends, was Magic...
As we reached the river shore- there was not a light in sight. We all switched off our torches- and that is when we could see it in all its glory- the clear night sky with trillions of stars glittering like diamonds. Everyone was silent- we were so taken by the beauty of it all- words seemed like intruders in those moments. The sky was so clear- we saw at least 5 shooting stars. And the fireflies glowing in the dark made it even more magical- as if we had come into some kind of a fairy tale land... We were a bit sad when we turned back to go- but hunger got better of us... :D

More more more... Food... :)
I tell you- that place served amazing food. We had an awesome dinner and if it was not for the limited size of the human stomach- we could have kept eating forever. I think the cafeteria people must've heaved a sigh of relief when they finally saw us leaving ;)

Old wood- new flames... :)
Then we all gathered for a beautiful bonfire. All of us exchanged random stories and thoughts as we marveled the flames which slowly consumed the wood- and in turn passed their luminescence to the dry wood as it glowed ferociously. We let the warmth of the bonfire massage our hands and feet long after the flames died out..

Finally, as both the hands of the clock met each other- just to separate again- all of us retired to our rooms.

"knock knock... Knock Knock... KNOCK KNOCK.. WAKE UP!!!"
I stirred lazily in my bed and as I strained to see the time- I saw that it was almost 9am. I jumped out of bed and opened the door. Breakfast was going to be served till 10am someone told me.

Wait for us... We're coming right now!
Well- the cafeteria people did wait for us and served us the most sumptuous breakfast consisting of Idli-MeduWada with chutney and sambhar, Shira-pohe, Bread with butter and jam and bananas. Given that I had eaten so much the previous day- I was surprised at how hungry I was as I gobbled up all the food.

Photo session
Following the breakfast- every one got ready, got their luggage together and came together for the one last grand group photo. Well- so much for that. Before that one grand photo- we took all sorts of funny pictures with people climbing over trees and in the bushes. All the wild animals over there must've nodded their heads thinking what fools we were. But well- we were totally absorbed in having fun. We were like kids playing in the park- oblivious to all adults around.. :)

And there we were....
All of us- feeling happy and light and relaxed... As we started off to come back to Pune- I was thinking to myself- the main reason we planned this trip was for the adventure sport- the river-rafting. And we did not even get to do that. But there was absolutely no sense of disappointment as we made our way back in the bus. Because we did what we had really planned to do- be together- get to know each other a bit more- lets some walls of inhibition come down- and most important of all- HAVE FUN! And boy-o-boy did we do that or what!

Here's to the SM India Team- the best team that I've ever been in!

CHEERS!

Equals and Opposites

2007-10-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

What you term as ego can well be self-respect for another.

:) And vice versa...